We've done some more thinking about our second adoption and trying to seek God's will. We're not in a rush this time (as we were with Brae!), so we feel we have time on our side. We are obviously open to domestic adoption again, but there is still the longing in my heart to experience pregnancy. It would have been amazing to have carried Brae and given birth to him. Neither Tygh nor I have a super strong desire to have a biological child (though that would be a miracle!), but I have a super strong desire to experience pregnancy and labor and delivery -- even if I complain the whole way through! Because of that, the natural option for us to explore is embryo adoption.
If you are not familiar with embryo adoption, it is when couples who have undergone IVF have remaining embryos that they have frozen. These embryos remain frozen forever, get destroyed, or the newest option is embryo adoption. Our adoption agency facilitates embryo adoption. The process is very similar to domestic adoption in that the same profile book we would use for domestic adoption and be shown to birthparents, could also be used in embryo adoption and shown to genetic families. Our agency even allows adoptive families to be on the wait lists for both at the same time. The wait period for embryo adoption is also considerably less than a returning family for domestic adoption. The average wait to be chosen by a genetic family is a few months. The average wait to be chosen by a birthmom for a second adoption is 18 months. Of course, with embryo adoption, the adopted family has a little more control as to when the baby could arrive. We would not have to implant the embryos right away. Whereas, a birthmom could be due in a matter of weeks! That way, we could really allow God's will to be seen.
If a genetic family chooses us, we have the option of "choosing" them back, similar to domestic adoption. We would have access to all of their medical files, and present those to our doctor to see if it would be a good match. If we "choose" the genetic family back, then we would accept all of the frozen embryos they have. We would complete the proper adoption paperwork with the agency, and have the embryos shipped to the facility we've chosen to do the implantation. The embryos would then be "thawed" (success rate about 55% for each embryo), and the remaining embryos would either be implanted or "re-frozen." Our fertility doctor had previously advised us that they would recommend transferring 3 to us to ensure the best chance that one will make it.
The process for embryo adoption implantation is much simpler than IVF, and consequently, much less expensive. My insurance company has even advised me they would pay 50% of the medical costs (here's hoping!). The embryo adoption fee is also considerably less than domestic adoption. If the implantation is a success, then hooray! We are pregnant! If it is not a success, the agency allows us to go through the process two more times to try and be matched with a genetic family. After that, if those times fail too, the adoptive family can choose to pay a modest fee to be re-matched again, or stop. Tygh and I have decided if the embryo adoption failed three times, we would stop and just continue down the domestic adoption path. You have to draw the line at some point.
You may be wondering how do you tell your child that he or she is the product of embryo adoption? Good question. I have spoken with a gal who got triplets (!) through embryo adoption and she likes to tell her kids that "God put them in Mommy's tummy as seeds." I like that. Obviously, as the child gets older, more will be revealed. There is also the option to have a semi-open adoption agreement with the genetic families similar to domestic adoption, so the child could know where he/she came from biologically.
Embryo adoption also removes a barrier we see with domestic adoption. And that is the concern some adopted children have with the fact they did not come from Mommy's tummy (this concern is apparently seen more in adopted girls than boys). Embryo adoption allows for those children to come from Mommy's tummy, if not from Mommy's blood. There is also the discussion that will have to be had with the child about the fact that he/she was frozen for a time. Certainly, there are sensitive discussions adoptive parents need to be prepared for whenever dealing with adoption -- of any kind -- domestic, international, or embryo. The point is that the child must know that his or her life is (and always has been --even from an embryo) valued, and that he or she is the product of love and that his or her parents (Tygh and me) love him or her with all of our hearts, and are grateful for the gift God has given us.
There is still MUCH more to research and discuss and pray about with embryo adoption. We hope to make a decision at the end of next February. We have several meetings lined up for next January and February with our accountant to talk about the adoption tax credit and its applicability to embryo adoption (if it doesn't apply, we likely won't do embryo adoption), our agency case worker, and several doctors to talk about the medical details. Then, even if we choose to be on both lists, God's will may be seen in having us chosen by a birthmom first, and not a genetic family. In either case, we are thrilled to see how God continues to grow our family!
