The Invitation.

The wedding invitation is in the mail to us.

It is from our birthmother.  She is inviting us to her wedding.

I just cannot get over how cool it is to have this special relationship with the woman who bore my son. 

I've said it before, and I'll say it again.  Open adoption - in all its forms - is an invitation.  It's a gift.  The opportunity to have a tangible relationship with the woman (and man) who helped breathe life into our son is beyond humbling. 

Apart from its metaphysical beauty, it also has incredible application.  Case in point: Sienna has been getting strange blotchy spots on her face and has had a cough for a while.  I reached out to our donor family and they told me of the family history of eczema, allergies, and asthma.  Armed with this information, I knew what medical course of action to take, and Sienna is healing.

I feel so blessed at the way God has created our family.

And, just because it's been a while, here are some recent (cute) pictures of the Colton kids, introducing the newest member in his/her photographic debut:

21 week: Questionnaire

At the urging of my sister-in-law (who is also pregnant, with twins - and donating the remaining embryos!), here is my "Pregnancy Update Questionnaire" (probably more for my own posterity than anything else):

How far along: 20.5 weeks (21 weeks on Thursday).  Halfway through the second trimester!

Current symptoms: So much better than even a month ago.  I threw up every day, and was nauseated all day, from weeks 7-16.  At my 15 week appointment, I had gained zero pounds.  A week later, after feeling better, I'd gained 6(!).  I still have waves of nausea, and still occasionally toss my cookies, but at least it's not at the same level of frequency or intensity.

Total weight gain: I'm not entirely sure since I don't really know where I started at, but I think it's between 10-15 lbs.  At my last appointment, the doctor said I was on track to gain 25-30 for this pregnancy.  

Maternity clothes: Yes, since about week 7.  I popped very early on this one. 

Stretch marks: Thank goodness, no.  Doesn't run in my family.

Sleep: Very difficult to come by. I take Unisom on occasion to help me sleep.

Best moment of this week: Getting to see the baby on the 20-week ultrasound, sucking its thumb and rubbing its feet together.

Miss anything: RUNNING!

Movement: All the time.  My placenta is high and in the back, so I've actually felt this one move since probably week 12.

Food cravings: I go through waves of salty vs. sugar.  Nothing consistent, though.

Anything making you queasy or sick: I get more nauseated in the evening, or when I'm very fatigued.  I have to eat very slowly.

Have you started to show yet: My co-worker just told me that if I told her I was due in a month, she'd believe me.  So, yes.

Gender: It's a surprise! We have no idea. I want a girl.  Tygh, Brae, and Sienna each want a boy. 

20-Week Ultrasound and Appointment

If I was a more tech-savvy person, I'd post a picture from our 20-week ultrasound.

Since I'm not, I'll have to just paint it with words.

Everything looked great.  There were "absolutely no" (quoting tech and dr) abnormal markers or measurements at all.  Given what we've been through our entire infertility journey, and the "scare" we got last week, this came as a bit of a surprise. 

God knows what He's doing.

Baby was generally cooperative.  Not too much wiggling around.  We saw baby suck its thumb and rub its feet.

Tech kept commenting on "how beautiful" our baby was.  I liked her instantly.

We resisted the urge to find out gender.  So the tech told us to look away when she got to that part.  I can tell already that it's going to be hard for the medical team to keep this a secret.  Not because they don't want to, but because it's so natural to use a pronoun when you know the gender.  The doctor talked to me very cautiously after the ultrasound, just trying to keep referring to the baby as "baby" and not "he" or "she." 

It is very exciting to not know the gender.  It makes the next 20 weeks that much more anticipation-filled, for me. 

I will say, though, the baby's profile did look an awful lot like Tygh.  Or, at least Tygh's sisters.  The baby even had Tygh's "Barney Rubble" feet.  This baby, so far, has no obvious indication it looks like me. 

It's no matter.  I'm completely smitten with this little creature inside of me, and can't wait to meet him or her this summer.

Down Syndrome

We did the sequential blood screening for Down Syndrome and some other diseases and chromosomal abnormalities.

The first test came back normal.  "Average" reading for risk of Down Syndrome for someone my age.

The second test came back abnormal, for Down Syndrome.  My risk, for my age, should be 1:250.  It had jumped to 1:39.  All other results normal.

That is still only a 2.5% chance, but it got my attention.  I spoke several times with the genetics counselor, and eventually ended up meeting with her and a perinatologist.  Even if the test came back positive, there has to be an explanation for the hormone levels in my blood, they said.  The other explanation is how my placenta is functioning.  It may be "leaking," which puts me at greater risk for pre-term labor.

No, I said.  I will not do an amnio.  I didn't have to, they said.  There is a new blood test that is 99% accurate at detecting Down Syndrome.  It will tell me yes or no.  No probabilities. 

I'll do it.

That was last week.  Over the last week, I've had a lot of time to process this.  And, I've come to the conclusion that if this baby has Down Syndrome, it is a blessing.  We will have been chosen to care for a very special child.  It's an honor.

To my surprise, not everyone feels that way.  In fact, over 80% of women who learn their child has Down Syndrome terminate the pregnancy.

That was not going to be us.  We would love this baby.  This baby would be perfect in God's sight, and it would be a gift. 

I just got the call.

99% this baby does not have Down Syndrome.

It's strange to describe how I feel right now.  For the last week, I had pictured life with a child who has Down Syndrome.  And I had come to love this baby I feel kicking inside of me, picturing a baby with Down Syndrome. 

Now, that's gone.  I feel like there is this new or different baby inside of me now.  I don't know what it looks like.  I don't know if it's a boy or girl (I was so tempted to ask, because they know from the blood results, but we're keeping this a surprise to the end).  I know it does not (likely) have Down Syndrome, but I don't know anything else.

I want to cry.  And I'm not sure why.