A very special email

A couple days ago, we received a very special email. It was from the aunt of our son's birthfather. She made this incredible video/music montage for our son. It made us cry. I hope it brings beautiful tears to you, and reveals some of the tenderness we have in our hearts about adoption.

Adoption can be, and is, a very beautiful thing.

(PS-- the last series of photos with Brae at the zoo were taken by Brae's birthfather's side of the family. It was our first visit with him since the day Brae was born. One of my favorite pictures is of Brae on his birthfather's shoulders, with his Daddy (my husband) walking right beside him).

If that is not the ultimate picture of redemption, I don't know what is.

Porky.

Today was my 30 week appointment.

The ultrasound machine was old, but we could tell that Sienna is head down, looking at my pelvis, sunny side up. We still think she is a girl, although she had her legs closed. Modest soul. We got to see her heart beat, and her little lungs move up and down and she breathed. A miracle.

I've gained a total of 16 lbs -- 3 in the last 2 weeks, so I think I'm finally catching up. (My husband's "baby app" on his iphone says the average is 25-35lbs at this point!) Although I'm not there yet, you can call me Porky.

I don't have gestational diabetes. I have the opposite problem. I'm hypoglycemic. My blood sugar levels were below normal. I was not totally surprised by this, as my mom is the same way. I've probably always been this way, but just never been tested for it. Dr. said to just watch out for dizziness.

Dr. also said that I'm at high risk for post-partum depression. He said looking at my history (teenage anxiety), my recent history (I def got the baby blues after Brae was born), and my current situation -- first pregnancy and taking care of a toddler, makes me a prime candidate to watch. He wants me to start seeing someone now to talk about preventative measures. I definitely think I could, and probably will, get the baby blues after Sienna is here. I'm not at all scared or nervous about the labor and delivery. It's actually the time I've been looking forward to since the beginning. But I am very scared about bringing her home.

I have a good support system, but my husband can only take so much time off work. There will be lots of sleepless nights, zombie-like days, and I'm supposed to take care of a 2.5 year old. Under normal circumstances, my coping mechanism is running. I love running. I love the endorphins, the adrenaline, the solitude, everything about it. I have not run for nearly 9 months. And it is still at least another good 3 before I'll be able to again. Having Sienna in the summertime will help, I'm sure, but I'm not naive or proud enough to say that I won't fall into some kind of depression. I don't think it will be full-on PPD where I feel hopeless and am completely paralyzed. But I do think that I will fall into a funk.

But it won't be because I'll miss being pregnant (I'm so grateful for the experience, but have not loved being pregnant). It will be because I'll be completely sleep deprived and have no semblance of a schedule. That is just complete chaos for my makeup and constitution. Having this be my first pregnancy but my second child, I have no idea how my body will react or recover physically from this pregnancy. But I don't have the luxury of just holding a newborn as I figure it out. I have to also run after a little boy.

As a dear friend who has a newborn and a toddler put it recently, with her eyes wide open, "It's so hard."

It will be so hard. I just have to remember it's short lived, and ultimately, so worth it.

(P.S.-- I have my baby belly pictures this weekend, so I'll make sure to post once I get them!)

Money, money, money

A few weeks ago, it dawned on me that we have a daughter coming (in 10 weeks) and she's going to be expensive.... and not just because she's a girl! So, I decided to put together our budget. I gathered a list of our income, and an average of our committed expenses (bills). There was a very healthy cushion left over. That was the good news. The bad news is that is not reality. We do NOT have a healthy cushion left over each month. So, this evening, Tygh and I put together a very serious budget. The kind with all the spreadsheets and everything. We tracked our discretionary expenses, made sure the tithing amount was 10%, and added in Sienna's daycare costs. Ummmm. Yeahhhhhhh. Ouch. Suffice it to say that when she arrives and goes to daycare/school in September, the Colton household budget is extremely tight. That's when reality set in and we decided to make some lifestyle changes. Less going out to eat (which is rare anyway), less "grooming (aka manis/pedis), just overall less in general. Bottom line, until we make more, we need to spend less. I know this isn't rocket science, but it's still really hard to put into practice. Especially for me. We've already made some initial changes -- generic groceries vs. brand name, more walking the dogs ourselves and less doggie day care. Let's face it -- kids are expensive. That said, we believe God will provide, as He always has. We believe it is important to tithe, so we are committed to that. We also believe in being good stewards of our money, so if that means that my roots have to show a little longer than I like, so be it. (Just please don't make any comments about it!) ; )

28 Weeks!

Hello 28 weeks, and helllooooo 3rd (and final!) trimester! It's so nice to meet your acquaintance. I trust you'll be kinder to me than your two younger sisters.

Today was my glucose screening test. It was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. For weeks, I've heard horror stories about how awful the sweet drink would be. First, I selected the orange kind. Second, they had it cold for me. Third, I drank it with a straw. I was surprised at how NOT bad it tasted. (Course, I'm a sugar girl, and had been abstaining all day). The only bad part is that at 2 minutes left (they give you 10), I still had a ways to go. That's when I just had to start suckling down the stuff. That's when I could see why other women have thought it so bad. There's this bitter after taste when you suck it down that fast. And you immediately want some water, and yet, can't have any.

Right after I drank, I had my dr appt. It was not with my regular ob/gyn, so it was a little less comfortable. I've gained a total of 13 lbs. Heart rate was 145. He said my uterus doesn't have much more room to grow upward, so I'm going to start protruding horizontally.

Sienna has been moving a lot more lately, and for the first time, others are able to feel it. That's pretty cool. Even though I'm not a huge fan of the baby movements, I am starting to get more used to them, and of course, greatly appreciate and am thankful for them.

Hearturn is still pretty bad. Still adverse to meat. But no vomiting, and only mild nausea in mornings/evenings. Sleep isn't so bad, except for the frequent trips to the bathroom. My hair is growing rapidly, as I'm noticing the roots start to show (I wasn't born blond; but I was born to BE a blond!)

And... sorry if TMI ... but I've started leaking the colostrum.

Yummy.

20 week genetic test results

We finally got the genetic test results back for Sienna from her 20 week appointment.

They did the tests back at 12 weeks, and everything looked good.

They told us they get a more accurate reading at 20 weeks, so they would do another battery then.

We just got the results (6 weeks later), and the nurse said, I quote, "It doesn't get any better than this. It's practically perfect."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For example, risk of Downs Syndrome is 1 in 10,000.

PRAISE GOD FOR SIENNA!!!!!!