A diagnosis after nearly two decades.

I have Hashimoto's disease.

At age 13, I went in for a routine physical. The doctor noticed a large bump in my throat. He said it was cancer. (I think he was a med student). For many months, I saw an endocrinologist. I eventually learned I had a problem with my thyroid and have been on medication ever since. I never really knew how important it was, so I was not always great about taking it. When I didn't take it, I noticed I'd get extremely fatigued, so that's when I'd remember to take it.

But I was never diagnosed with the cause of my thyroid dysfunction. Your thyroid doesn't just stop working for no reason. Especially at 13.

Today, I got the results back from a blood panel that confirms I have Hashimoto's. (That's right, I was never officially diagnosed until today. And that is probably because it may not matter why you have hypothyroidism, the treatment would be the same). Except, if you have ever experienced infertility, then knowing you have Hashimoto's means a lot.

In a nutshell, Hashimoto's is an autoimmune disorder that leads to hypothyroidism. An autoimmune disease occurs when your own immune system attacks your organs, cells, tissues, or glands. In Hashimoto's, it targets and destroys the functioning of the thyroid gland.

Why is this particularly important to me? Well, although my thyroid has been "controlled" for a long time with medication, for many years it was not controlled or not well controlled. It has very likely led to an effect on my egg quality, and hence, our inability to conceive or maintain a pregnancy. Especially because it was diagnosed (and who knows for how long had been previously untreated) right at the time I started menstruating as a pre-teen.

Another interesting insight about Hashimoto's? It also explains my sensitivity to gluten. I did go gluten-free for 4 months before we got pregnant, and until the second trimester.

To not be doom and gloom, many many people with Hashimoto's successfully conceive and carry a pregnancy to term. But, it is at least helpful and interesting to know that it is probably the biggest reason why we have had so much difficulty.

AND? God is SOOOOOOO much bigger than this. This diagnosis today was not at all a surprise to Him. He's known it all along. And, He got us pregnant.

Whenever I start to think about how big my problems are, I just remember how BIG my God is!!!!!! There is nothing He cannot overcome.

"Who is like you among the gods, O Lord, glorious in holiness, awesome in splendor, performing great wonders? -- Exodus 15:11

Third birthfamily visit

Last weekend, we had our third visit with Brae's birth father's side of the family. We met at a local amusement park that Brae hadn't yet been to. It was nice to see them all show up to see Brae. All except for one. Unfortunately, Brae's birth father didn't make it. Apparently there were some internal family dynamics that caused him to decide not to come. But he did give Brae a birthday gift (a huge stuffed teddy bear that says "I love you"), and he wrote him a card.

By far the biggest hit was the Ford F-150 truck they brought for him. Although Brae was a little hesitant at first, he quickly caught on and was zooming all around the parking lot. He's definitely the envy of the neighborhood (adults included).

Here's a video of him riding it for the first time: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vx7oPXTQBxQ

At the end of the visit, Brae's biological great grandmother asked if we could do this again next year. I said, "Of course. We've always said that we will continue these visits so long as it is in Brae's best interest. Right now, because he doesn't know what is going on, these visits are mostly to create memories, take pictures, and for you. But we feel it's important that Brae know his roots and have a connection to his biological family. But, if he ever decides he doesn't want to come to a visit, we won't come."

They appeared to understand. I have a feeling the presents will only get more extravagant as the years go on. What kid doesn't want to go somewhere and get presents? ; )

In all sincerity, these visits are important to us, for Brae. We have a semi-open adoption and although we have no piece of paper that says we have to do these visits, we love our son tremendously, and don't ever want him to feel that he was abandoned. He was not. He has a biological family (on both sides) that love him SO much and are grateful for the adoption decision that was made. And if these visits help him see that love, then they are important to us. We don't expect everyone to understand this (especially if you have not adopted), but as Brae's parents, we believe strongly we know what is best for him, and for now, these visits are good for him.

In other news...

-- This story cracks me up every time I tell it. I picked Brae up from school the other day and we passed by the "time-out" chair, a little chair in the corner of the room all by itself. As Brae and I walked out, Brae points to the chair and yells, "Look, Mommy! That's Brae's chair!"

-- Sienna started 'school' too. S he's at the same Spanish immersion school Brae is at. It's taking some time for her to adjust. But, on the bright side, I've found an alternative to Babywise's method of getting your child to sleep through the night -- take her to a new school where she stays awake all day.

A year ago today and the Top Ten Things I'll miss most about maternity leave

A year ago today, baby Sienna was transferred in my womb. She was five days gestation. She was also transferred with her other sibling, who was released straight into Jesus's arms.

A year ago today, I saw a picture of Sienna as an embryo. (She's a lot cuter now).

A year ago today, I saw life on a photograph, and life was growing inside of me.

A year ago today, my dreams of experiencing pregnancy were fulfilled. The words God spoke to me a year prior were being completed. He had given me a "promise of God;" He had given me my Sienna.

Thank you, Lord, for doing a great work in me. I'm so very blessed and thankful.

....

What I will miss most about maternity leave (a Top Ten list):

#10: Not showering for two, three (okay, maybe four) days in a row

#9: Wearing the same clothes for a week

#8: Going to the grocery store on Mondays and hanging out with all the old people

#7: Dr. Phil

#6: The morning and afternoon stroller walks taking Brae to school ... ten miles each way, up hills both ways, with holes in my shoes, in ten feet of snow ... oh, wait

#5: Cleaning house, wiping Sienna's mouth, doing laundry, wiping Sienna's mouth, making dinner, wiping Sienna's mouth ...

#4: Mid-morning naps, afternoon naps, late afternoon naps ... (Sienna's, unfortunately, not mine)

#3: Organizing the pantry... alphabetically

#2: Finding random people on facebook, stalking their lives, but never befriending them

.... and the #1 thing I will miss most about maternity leave...

#1: Being able to pick up my daughter, hold her, hug her, and kiss her whenever I wanted to.

I'll miss you so much, baby girl. Work is a necessary evil.

Udders, Breast pumps, and can I get an AMEN?!

Britney update:

I go back to work on Monday. I think I'm feeling okay about that. It's been a good, long maternity leave and I feel ready to turn the next page and see what's in store. It will be hard, and I'm sure I'll be calling the school every day for the first week to see how she's doing. Sigh.
Sienna update:

We've had two chiro visits and another PT visit this afternoon. I think I see improvement, but I'm not sure how much is attributed to all the work we've been doing vs. her just getting bigger/stronger.

Brae stories:

-- Brae and I were reading a book the other night when we came across a picture of a cow. He pointed at it and said, "Uh-oh, Mommy!" "What?" I asked. "The cow is pooping," he said. "What? No, it's not. Why do you think it's pooping?" I inquired. "Look, Mommy, it's pooping," he said again, this time pointing at the cow's udders.

-- Three days ago, Tygh walked in to the living room to find Brae crouched in a corner, his back turned. Tygh heard a strange "woosh-woosh" sound coming from where Brae was. "Brae? What are you doing?" Tygh asked. Brae turned his head to face his dad and had a smile on his face. Tygh got closer to see what Brae was doing. .... He was using my breast pump (and correctly, I might add).

--Tygh's grandmother died a few weeks ago. Her memorial service was this last weekend. Brae attended the service, sitting on Tygh's lap. There were probably a hundred people in the auditorium. And each time someone finished speaking, the room would be quiet. Still. Solemn. Silent prayers being offered by all in attendance. And then, without fail, piercing the silence, you'd hear a little voice shout, "AMEN!" That would be Brae.

-- The memorial service was held at church. Yes, Brae knows that Jesus and God are at church. But he also knows that there is basketball at church. After the service, when everyone was milling around, Brae wanted to play basketball. And he wanted someone to play with. So, he went up to an unassuming soul, his uncle's father (great uncle), looked up at him and asked, "Will you play basketball with me?" What is so cute about this? ... His great uncle is blind.

Sienna's first visit to a chiropractor. And... identity theft.

Sienna had her first visit to the chiropractor. I found one who specializes in infants. Let me just put this out there -- I am EXTREMELY skeptical of chiropractors, naturopaths, and basically all forms of alternative medicine. I come from a very traditional medical background (and my mom is a Physician's Assistant), so anything alternative is very scary to me.

That said, I'm willing to try most anything to help my kids. I am their advocates, after all. So, after much personal debate, I decided to go see a chiro about Sienna's torticollis.

And? It was actually a really good visit. I remained skeptical even as I stepped through the door of the office (which was in an old historic house, and incense was emanating out the windows -- neither of which helped my stereotypes). Then, when the doctor came down, a handsome guy with long hair (again, not helping the stereotypes), and asked me to call him by his first name, I looked to the door to see if I could still escape.

But, after about 30 minutes of chatting with him, I started to ease up. He convinced me that he would not harm my daughter. The treatment would consist mostly of massaging her muscle. He "examined" her and said her case is "moderate" and that he can feel she has a lot of little knots in her neck. Thankfully, she does not have any hip displacement.

We discussed openly the standoff between traditional medicine and chiropractors, and it helped me to be honest with him that I was very skeptical of his profession.

In the end, he recommended twice a week treatments for a few weeks and said we should see improvement. If not, he'd change the course of treatment. In very layman's terms, it seems that my PT focuses on stretching the muscle, and the chiro focuses on massaging it. (And Sienna LOVED to be massaged).

I know that only God can heal my baby girl. But, I believe with everything in me that God uses doctors of all kinds to heal. And it is my great prayer that God uses traditional and non-traditional medicine to get Sienna stronger.

IN OTHER NEWS: For the second time in my life, I've been a victim of ID theft. Thankfully (praise God!), I actually noticed it before anything happened. My bank sent me an email alert saying a new account had been added to transfer money to. Ummm... I didn't do that. So, after talking with the bank for a few hours, we figured out who the guy is ,what his account is, and that he lives in the Bronx. I plan to file a claim against him this week. He had set a new account up to transfer $750 to the next day. Thankfully, we thwarted his evil deeds.

I'm not sure exactly how he got my account number or was able to hack into it, but I suspect I didn't have the strongest or most difficult to figure out passwords. So, that has all been changed. I have to think that all of the online shopping that Tygh and I do doesn't help either. So, I also added a 90-day security alert to my credit. The next step would be to close all of our accounts and start over. That sounds like a lot of work, so I'm just monitoring our accounts, and if there is any unauthorized activity, our bank will cover it.

Sigh. Can we just get to heaven already? (PS-- If you have not read "Heaven is For Real" by Todd Burpo -- you must go out and buy it today and read it. Best book (aside from Bible) I've ever read).

A God Thing.

I was just going through some old baby pictures of Brae and couldn't help but notice the resemblance with Sienna.... has to be a God thing. What do you think?