-- I saw the endocrinologist today. And I finally feel like I have a grasp on the root cause of our infertility. It is most likely linked to my Hashimoto's disease, and its early onset. The doctor also suggested that I have asymptomatic Celiac disease. I'm asymptomatic except for one thing -- infertility. Infertility is a symptom of Celiac disease. Celiac would also explain my gluten sensitivity, as proven by my blood test. The doctor recommended I see a gastrointerologist (sp?) to confirm Celiac through a probe. That may be something I do one day, but I've been gluten free (again) for over a week. I'm not quite sure why I'm doing it, other than to just generally be healthy. (Sure, it would be awesome to experience a spontaneous pregnancy, but I can't be doing it for that reason). Hashimoto's and Celiac tend to go hand in hand because they are both autoimmune diseases. Going gluten free this time around has been a lot easier than last year -- there are just so many more choices nowadays. I'll keep it up until I feel like no longer keeping it up. That simple. And, at that time I may see a gastro doctor to confirm whether or not I do have Celiac. But I'm not sure what good that will do me other than to simply have a diagnosis. If I'm asymptomatic (other than IF), then it would be really hard to be motivated to stay gluten free. Scarily, the odds of miscarriage are TWICE the normal population if I do in fact have Celiac and eat gluten. On a side note, I learned Hashi's has a genetic predisposition component. My grandmother had a goiter when she was younger. That most likely means she also has Hashi's. I told her to get tested. She's almost 90. Probably not too excited to learn she has an autoimmune disease at this age. Oh well.
-- Terrible two's is a misnomer. It's the terrible three's. Or the terrible almost-three's. Brae has been pushing every button in my system lately. Repeatedly. Bedtimes are the worst. Last night he didn't fall asleep until 10 (despite being put in his room at 8), woke up screaming at 1, and again at 5. When I brought him in bed with me at 5 (after Tygh had gone to work), he kicked me for nearly an hour, screaming that he wanted to go downstairs and watch Mickey Mouse. I just ignored the behavior (my new tactic). Eventually, he gave up and fell asleep. Then I very, very slowly crawled out of bed and woke him up 90 min later. That's just one example. I have a whole list (including him trying to flush an entire roll of toilet paper -- cardboard included -- down the toilet). After much wringing of hands, Tygh and I think we've stumbled on the answer -- Sienna. His precious little sister has thrown his world upside down. For his whole life, he's been the center of attention. First grandchild on THREE sides. Now, there's this new person living in his house, taking away attention from him. And he has no control over it. Sure, you may be thinking, you are idiot parents if you didn't recognize this. But we honestly didn't. He has never shown any signs of aggression or jealousy TOWARD Sienna (hasn't tried to "off" her), so we just figured he was acclimating fine. I think we've been dead wrong. This revelation has actually really helped things because we have a new sensitivity toward him. I just have to keep remembering this the next time he's throwing a shoe at me.
-- I'm finally ready to write about something that happened nearly 6 weeks ago. You may recall that we adopted two sets of embryos. The first set resulted in our beautiful daughter. Because of her, we never tried the second set. Well, after a lot of painful and hard conversations, we returned those precious embryos to their donors. It was a very hard decision and, if I'm honest, not one I was totally on board with. I'm not sure I'm still totally on board with it. You see, I want a third child. At least, I think I do, most days. Tygh is really only ready for a third child if it happened spontaneously. When you have to go through so much of an effort to have a child, it really makes it much less appealing. I get that. But, I have a larger picture. I think 10, 20, 30 years down the road and what I want my family to look like. I want 3 kids. God knows this. I believe this is a God-given desire and, true to His character, He will fulfill it or take it away. In any case, it was the right thing to do to return those embryos. With Tygh and I not being on the same page, it was best to return those embryos so they may be adopted by the family they are meant to be with. The right thing to do is usually the hardest.
I had wondered about your second set of embryos. That would be so tough, but I think you made a wise decision to bless another family while you wait and see what God has next for you.
ReplyDeleteI would love three children as well, but I'm just not sure if I could go through this all again, and that's assuming this transfer results in our first take-home baby. One day at a time, huh?
It is tough to stick with a gluten-free diet when you don't have any outward symptoms (other than IF), but if you do have Celiac or a gluten sensitivity, you are still causing your body damage by eating gluten. Latent, or "silent" Celiac causes malabsorption and malnutrition, and can lead to active Celiac later in life. Those sensitive to gluten can have many problems, not just GI related, including neurological, cardiac, liver and kidney diseases, as well as a debilitating autoimmune disease called rheumatoid arthritis. There are plenty of reasons to stick to a gluten free diet, other than trying to get pregnant - like staying healthy for your family.
ReplyDeleteI know all about the terrible 3's! Genevieve doesn't even have a sibling to be jealous of and we have had plenty acting out. Thankfully she is getting a lot better the closer she gets to four ;). They can certainly try our patience, can't they?!
It would be tough to give back the embryos and you're right, the right thing to do is usually the hardest.
Great post! I like the term you used, "spontaneous pregnancy". I hate when people say "getting pregnant naturally".... it implies that how our children were born was "unnatural". And biological pregnancy just sounds so clinical. I'm going to start using spontaneous now :)
ReplyDeleteOh my....do I hear you on the Terrible 3s...our son was the same...2 1/2 when Genevieve was born and he loved her...never hurt her, always wanted to give hugs and kisses...but otherwise is behaviour deteriorated rapidly and we had so many issues at home and at his daycare. He is now heading toward 3 1/2 and ohhhh the difference 10+ months can make. We just had to find the right way to ensure he got the attention he needed but not go too overboard trying to "compensate" for the new sibling. If you have the opportunity to take a Love and Logic parenting class I highly recommend it. I have only been able to read up on it and apply a small amount of the principles and it really helped us. I'm hoping to get into an actual class soon.
ReplyDeleteAs for Celiac...I agree with Christina...my family has the Celiac issue and my Dad pretty much was silent until last year (at 70) and it hit him so hard that it really did damage to his intestines and colon and he had to go gluten free overnight but still suffers from the side effects. I also have a great aunt (Dad's aunt) that found hers later in life too and by then it had done so much damage to many organs. She also suffered from infertility. So you may just want to get that diagnosis sooner vs later so you can at lease know if you can "cheat" and not harm yourself further. Good luck...I know any restrictive diet is hard...but both my aunt and my dad say they feel sooo much better. I really think my sister may have it too...I have been urging her to get tested.
And..yes....releasing those embryos back is really hard. we adopted 5 embryos and used 3 to get our daughter...we knew we only wanted one more child but it was still hard to let those go knowing there could be a full genetic sibling in there for Genevieve. That would have been pretty darn cool. But oh well...I really hope those embryos brought the joy to another couple that their siblings did to us.
kd
I can completely relate to the 3 year old behavior. We're going through that right now too. I also think that it has something to do with transitioning from a family of three to four. I hope that makes you feel better. I know you're nighttime story made me feel better!!!
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