Last week, I had my fifth interview with our caseworker.
Our caseworker is in the process of writing up our report, and had some holes she said she wanted to fill in. Particularly, she wanted to hear more about my childhood. More about my parents' divorce. More about my parents' re-marriages to my stepparents, and my three stepbrothers. She wanted to hear more about my high school and college years. More about my romantic relationships.
In all, I'm not sure I've ever told one single person as much information as I've told this virtual stranger. It's an exhausting process.
And, at the end, of course, she had comments. In a nutshell, she said that I appear to "minimize the trauma in my life."
Her concern was that we may be placed with a child who has had some trauma in his/her life, and it could be a trigger for me, and what was I willing to do about it?
I told her that I have been on several missions trips to very impoverished parts of our country, and our world. I have witnessed children who do not have shoes on their feet, running water, and struggle for every morsel of food. I have mentored children whose fathers have abandoned them, who have been physically or sexually abused, and neglected.
In comparison, my childhood was a piece of cake.
I'm not trying to minimize divorce, and the profound impact it has on children, including me. Looking back, that one incident was a catalyst for a lot of unpleasant experiences in my life.
However, I do not compare it to being beaten, raped, or starved.
So, forgive me if I tend to shrug my experience of divorce off. In comparison, it was not that bad. My parents each re-married, and have been re-married for over 25 years. I've seen beauty rise from the ashes that divorce creates. Including myself.
Of course, I told her that if a child we bring home causes a trigger in me, I will not hesitate to seek counseling. And, I mean that.
We hope to have our next (and final!) homestudy visit in the next week or so, and then we wait for the final report to be written.
It will be so nice to have this part of the process behind us.
That is CRAZY! As a child of divorce myself, there are far worse things children endure. And again, I'm not minimizing divorce because God hates divorce but He can also restore and use sin sinlessly. He works ALL things for His glory and believers' good (Romans 8:28). I really think she is imagining u to be more traumatized than you are! While I hate that my parents divorced when I was only 6 months old (and both of them remarried and divorced again and later remarried a third time), I had a great childhood and am very close to
ReplyDeleteMy mother and father and step parents!
So ridiculous! They do realize there are no perfect people with perfect pasts, right?? And romantic relationships, besides the one with your husband? Really?
ReplyDeleteI admire you guys for sticking with this process. It will be a blessed child indeed to be chosen to have you as his/her parents!
I just want to say again that I have a lot of respect for anyone who survives the foster-adopt homestudy process! I'm not sure I could handle it!
ReplyDeleteThe hard things we experience prepare us for what life is going to deal out next. Life is hard. No way around it. No one is going to have a perfect past. Imperfection is what allows us to be stronger for what's coming next.
ReplyDeleteLove the pics of the kiddos and can't wait for Black Butte :)
Oh my goodness! Seriously! This process sounds crazy, crazy, crazy! Is it always like this or could it also be this case worker is a bit over-vigilant/a counselor wanna-a-be? Kuddos to you, my friend, for sticking with it. And love the pics! I know I need to get some on my site! : )
ReplyDeleteSo glad God is in control of all of this and not the case worker. Hang in there. It will be worth it all when your next child is placed in your home. :o)
ReplyDeleteIn God I have put my trust;
I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
Psalm 56:11
How horrifying...I'll never pass a home study :(
ReplyDelete