When I was pregnant with Sienna, I never posted anything about it on any social media site. In fact, after she was born, and I did post pictures of her, many acquaintances sent me messages, marveling about how they didn't even know I was pregnant.
With this pregnancy, I've pretty much done the same thing. I have never posted anything about being pregnant, and don't plan to.
This is deliberate. For me, I remember the pain each time someone I knew posted about being pregnant, and showed off their growing belly. It killed me inside.
Perhaps I'm more sensitive than most, but when I see posts about someone announcing their engagement, I immediately think of all the girls crying because they just broke up with their boyfriend. When I see posts about someone announcing their cool new job, I think of all the people who have just lost theirs. When I see posts about someone's awesome vacation, I think of all the people who can't afford to take one.
Don't get me wrong. I enjoy seeing all these happy posts, and like to celebrate with others in their joy. There is nothing malicious in posting stuff like this. But my heart goes out to all of those who have been marginalized by this same celebration and joy.
With everything we've been through, I just cannot bring myself to announce this pregnancy or post belly pics on social media. Instead of basking in all of the uplifting messages I'm sure we'd get, I will be obsessed with the one girl whose day got a little darker because of that news.
Because I had many of those dark days, too.
“Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow”
ReplyDeleteI think we need a little of both.
When the ONLY thing you share on social media is the good stuff... I see that has hurtful and fake. But when people share both, I see that has humanity. I'm careful about WHO I'm friends with on social media. If someone on my feed can't share in my joys and sorrows, I probably shouldn't be "friends" with them to begin with. And likewise, if their happy news is hurtful to me, I need to examine my own heart, not theirs.
I love your heart and how sensitive you are to other people feelings. It's something I love about you most. But I also want you to be able to fully enjoy and celebrate the three little blessings in your life.
They are each a miracle and God gets the glory!
I have struggled so much with this myself. We did announce on Facebook eventually after we learned we were having a girl, but I agonized over the decision and the wording for weeks.
ReplyDeleteEven now I struggle with posting anything about Lucy on Facebook. I just don't want to hurt anyone.
It's so hard to find balance.
I agree with Kelly.
ReplyDeleteI know for me after experiencing loss, the last thing I wanted people to do was keep things like pregnancy from me. it made me feel worse that they could not share their joy with me, or like if I wasn't consistently hurting that there was something wrong with me.
My sorrow should not diminish someone else's joy. In fact I found it easier to heal when I had something I could be excited about. I also found that it helped me to focus on ALL that God has given me instead of dwelling on what he hasn't.
Our sorrows should be a catalyst for making our joy greater, and a blessing for drawing us closer to God's heart.
There are some people on Facebook who annoy me, more because they take for granted the ways that God has blessed them and in that case I just unfollow their posts so I don't have too see them (and they are usually people I'm not even really friends with)
I always had such mixed feelings about this topic. I suffered from infertility and even from miscarriage. We had been given a crib by some friends who were done (or so they thought) and then not long after my miscarriage....they popped up pregnant (apperently a spur of the moment decision on vacation....one happy night and boom...baby#3). I found out about it in a mass email vs a personal visit and I was devastated. So...yes...I think there are ways you can go about it which can really hurt someone else....but I also think that we (the infertiles) should be able to share our joy just as much as everyone else. Even though it always sparked a bit of "why me?" self pity when I saw a new announcement....I was still very very happy for those people. For me, I was more angry at people who had children and then neglected or abused or abandoned them. Luckily...those folks were not among my friends....so I could have the joy and sadness coexist when each of the annoncements came. When my time FINALLY arrived I was very cautious about my social media announcements. I made sure I delivered the news in person to any friend that I KNEW was struggling before any posts. But I didn't want to deprive myself from the normal joy of new life either. We were very open about our infertility struggles....so I was comfortable including that in our announcements. So...I do completely understand where you are coming from....but I also think there are ways to soften the blow and be kind to others while still enjoying your own blessings.
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