Sienna's 6 month stats (and more Brae stories)

Sienna's 6 month stats:

-- She is 27 3/4 inches (98th percentile).  She is actually 3/4 of an inch longer than Brae at this same age.
-- She weights 18 lbs, 11.5 ounces (90th percentile).  She is 2 pounds heavier than Brae at this same age. 
-- Her head is 17 inches circumference.  That is the 76th percentile.

All in all, a well-proportioned girl.  She has been in 12-18 month clothes.... for a while. 

She is sitting on her own for periods of time.  And she rolls, rolls, rolls.

Dr. said her eyes will probably stay the color they are (sky blue).  We are in trouble. ; )

She's starting to get a little more hair.  It's strawberry blond. 

We received a Christmas card from our donors, and their children's 3rd grade pictures.  The resemblance between Sienna and her genetic sister is ASTOUNDING.  If Sienna ends up looking anything like her, she is going to be a beauty (of course, we believe she already is). 

Her torticollis has greatly improved.  The PT thinks she may only need one more appointment.  She still likely has several more chiro appointments in her future, however. 

Brae stories:

-- We had a visit from Roto-Rooter the other night.  Brae stuffed an entire roll of ultra-thick Charmin toilet paper down the toilet.  That ended up being a $150 dollar lesson.

-- Brae only needs about 10-11 hours of sleep, total, in a 24-hour period.  He takes a 2-hour nap at his school.  Which means he only needs 8-9 hours at night. Which means he often likes to play in his room until about 9-10 p.m. at night (much to our chagrin).  Which also means that Mommy and Daddy are in bed before he is (!).  Sometimes, this poses a problem. Case in point -- it was 9:30 last night and Tygh and I had just climbed into bed.  We had heard Brae talking to his imaginary schoolmates in his room.  Then, about 10 minutes later, I hear Brae open his door.  Silence.  Silence for the next 5 minutes. 

More silence. 

Then, I hear a loud "HOLA!" from Flicker, his Handy Manny flashlight.  Brae is pointing Flicker right in my face, and has turned on the light right in my eyes. 

Me: "Brae, what are you doing?
Brae: "Mommy, I came to say good night and I needed a flashlight to come and find you."

Sigh.  How can I ever get upset with this boy?

Pictures galore!

Brae-isms Part....?? .... who knows... there has been a lot

-- 'Tis the season to teach my son about giving.  Sure, I try to do it year-round, but this time of year provides a wealth of opportunities.  I really wanted to do something very impactful, like serve at a soup kitchen, but I have to remind myself he's only 3 years old, and what really can he comprehend?  So, my work participates in the community food drives, so I thought that would be a perfect opportunity.  Last night, I sat Brae down and the conversation went something like this:

  Me: "Brae, you know when you are hungry, Mommy and Daddy give you food?"
  Brae: (nods)
  Me: "Well, did you know that there are some people that don't have any food? So, when they are hungry, they   don't have any food to eat."
  Brae: (eyes get very wide).  "No food to eat?"
  Me: "That's right.  Would you like to fill a box with some food and give it to the people who don't have any food to eat?"
  Brae: (eyes widen again) "Yes!"

So, for the next ten minutes, we filled up a box with food from our pantry, and I tried to explain to Brae that they would not want his half-eaten boxes of raisins.

-- Brae is Mr. Entertainer.  He loves to make people laugh.  Case in point -- were playing t-ball in the living room last night, and after he  hit the ball, he'd chase after it, carrying his bat.  Well, he tripped over his bat and totally bit it on the floor.  He just started laughing hysterically.  Then, he saw me laughing.  Well, that was way too much for him to handle -- he loved doing that.  So, for the next half an hour, he'd chase after the ball again, and then pretend to totally bite it on the floor again, and again, and again.  He just wanted to make his Mommy laugh. 

-- Brae: "Mommy, why does the moon follow us home every night?"
    Me: "Ummmmmm......"

Blessed by infertility.

We celebrated our 6-year wedding anniversary this last weekend.  Six years of joyfully bumpy wedded bliss.  By far, our biggest marital "struggle" has been infertility.  When we got married, we had no idea that we would be blessed with at least one confirmed miscarriage and years of infertility.

That's right, I said blessed. 

I say blessed because without infertility, we would not have experienced the joy of adoption.  If you have never experienced domestic adoption, and been on that wild ride, you cannot relate to the whirlwind journey.  It is a ride.  It is thrilling, exhilarating, desperate, painful, anxious, nervous, climactic, a bring-you-to-your-knees encounter to the very core of who you are.  Everything you've ever thought about life and the loss of life (abortion, miscarriage, child neglect) is challenged. 

I say blessed because without infertility, we would not have come face to face with our need for God.  During our struggle, we've never been more angry at, scared of, in awe of, delighted by, and humbled by our Maker.

I say blessed because without infertility, we would never have been given the lens through which you see miracles take place. 

I say blessed because without infertility, we would never have had so many tears shed, fights, bitter silence, sob-filled hugs, or cling-to-eachother moments. 

I say blessed because without infertility, we would have never taken our journey to NEDC and Tennessee.  We would never have met Jennifer and Dave.  We never would have got to experience the miracle of life, frozen, in a petri dish, thawed, transferred, and given the chance to grow into a beautiful baby girl.

Sure, we could have been blessed by getting pregnant easily, and carrying to term without any complications, and giving birth to beautiful children.

But, then we would not have Brae and Sienna.  The only way for Brae and Sienna to come to be ours was through infertility and adoption. 

And, we wouldn't have it any other way.

Our six years of marriage has brought us incredible blessings.

Witness to a miracle, b-ball, and so proud...

-- This last weekend, I witnessed a miracle.  In Brae's room, there is a large, heavy glass globe covering his ceiling light.  Kind of like this:
Brae and Sienna were rolling around on the floor, beneath the ceiling light.  I was sitting near them, leaning against the closet.  After watching them giggle and play, I decided it was time to get Brae dressed for the football game he was going to.  I pulled Brae away from the center of the room and toward the closet.  And then I swept Sienna up right alongside me so she could watch as I got Brae dressed.

Then... within seconds after swooping the kiddos to my side, this ceiling light crashed to the floor and broke into a thousand pieces.  It broke in the EXACT place that both Sienna and Brae had been seconds before.  It was such a loud sound, we were all shaken.  The glass scattered all throughout the room, except none in our direction. 

Seconds earlier, my son and my daughter were lying on their backs, giggling, staring up at that very light.  I cannot stop replaying the "what-ifs" in my head.

I immediately fell flat on my face in prayer and thanksgiving.

I went to Bible study that night and told what had happened.  One of my favorite remarks was, "Can you imagine what was going on in the spiritual realm right before? That Satan and his demons were chuckling, just waiting for the light to crash on your babies? And yet, God and His angels were not going to let that light crash until you had swept those babies out of the way."

Wow.

-- I've said it before, and I'll say it again.  Brae is a basketball phenomenon.  This last weekend, we went to a birthday party that was held at an indoor arcade place, of sorts.  They had a pop-a-shot basketball game, which we ended up spending all of our tokens on.  Brae played for probably 20 minutes, and by the end, he had gathered a small crowd of onlookers around him, marveling at this little boy, with his stance, jump shot, and swooshing in basket after basket.  I was so proud.

-- And speaking of so proud, my husband just got a huge job promotion at work!  I know how much a man's career means to them and their self-esteem, and I could not be prouder that my husband has put his heart and soul into his job, and it is being recognized and rewarded.

I am thankful and blessed.

The power of prayer. And Brae-isms.

-- I am in two small Bible study groups.  We meet on a regular basis.  At each meeting, we state our prayer requests, and then we pray for one another.  My prayer request for the last several weeks has been healing for Sienna's neck.  A week passed after our last meeting.  No real progress.  In fact, I thought we were slipping backwards.  And then, the next week came.  Seemingly out of nowhere, her neck started to improve.  She started holding her head up straight.  She started showing incredible range of motion.  In fact, Tygh and I would look at each other in disbelief.  It's like she just "got better" on her own.  What we believe, in reality, is that God answered our prayers and healed our baby girl.

-- Part of the concern with her neck was delayed physical development.  And yet, this last weekend, our baby girl, at barely 5 months of age, has started "sitting" on her own for about 20 seconds at a time ("average" age is 6 months).  She's also started rolling... and rolling... and rolling... all over the room.  It is her way of getting from one place to another.  We feel so blessed.

Braeisms:

-- He's doing great going #1 in the toilet.  #2 is a different story.  But, he tries. Oh, the boy tries.  This last weekend, he wanted me to leave him to his business to try #2.  So I went to the kitchen.  About a minute later, I hear him screaming.  I run to the bathroom.  The boy has f.a.l.l.e.n into the toilet.  I just see his feet sticking up in the air.  Ha ha ha! I tried so hard to muffle my laugh.  Then, I thought to myself, do I have time to go run and get my camera? No, I thought.  That would probably not be the "good Mommy" thing to do.  So, I helped him up, and encouraged him to use his toilet seat next time.

-- Brae: "Mommy, where did the moon go?"
    Me: "It's hiding behind the clouds."
    Brae:  (Long pause).... "Mommy, is the moon going to count to 10 and then come and find me?"

-- I am a University of Oregon Duck fan.  Tygh is an Oregon State University Beaver fan.  This last weekend, as we (I) was rooting the Ducks to victory over Stanford (while, ahem, the Beavers choked.... again....), I shouted to Brae, "Brae! Say GOOOO Ducks!" He looked at me cross-eyed.  "NO! Mommy! GOOOO Beavers!"  .... Clearly Tygh is having more of an influence than I am.  

Brae's 3 year stats

We had Brae's 3 year appointment today.

Stats:

--75th percentile for weight
-- 70th percentile for height

Dr. observations:

-- He was very impressed with how well Brae talks.  Brae was the typical clown and had the dr. in stitches the whole time.
-- He was very impressed that Brae is bilingual.
-- He said Brae is very intelligent,very outgoing and sociable.

(Okay, seriously, don't ALL doctors say ALL these nice things to their patients? I can't really imagine a dr. saying, "Gee, your child is pretty dumb...")

-- He gave us some good tips for battling the bedtime temper tantrums.
-- Brae showed off his Spiderman underwear.

Cute Brae story: This morning, as we were rushing around the house to get to the doctor, I put Brae in his bathroom in front of the mirror.  I gave him his toothbrush with toothpaste on it.  Brae really wanted to call Daddy on the cell phone and tell him that he wanted to go golfing with him. 

Me: "Brae, here, you brush your teeth and I'll go get the cell phone."
Brae: "No, Mommy.  You brush the teeth and I'll go get the cell phone." 

Hmmm.... he must have seen great grandma take her teeth out one too many times.

Kiss my butt and Botox for baby

Brae story:

Whenever Brae has had a boo-boo, I've always kissed it and magically it just gets better.  He really believes in the healing power of my kiss.

So, it was no wonder when the other day, he slipped on the hardwood floor and went straight down on his bum.  He picked himself up, pulled down his pants, and his underwear (yes! underwear! not diaper!), and called out my name.  "Mommy!"  I came rushing down to find him backing his bum up to my face.  "Mommy! Kiss my butt!"

*****
At last week's physical therapy appointment, the therapist said that if Sienna's neck has not dramatically improved by 6 months (1 month from now), she would recommend a physiotherapist and possible Botox injections in her neck.

Seriously? Injecting Botulism in my daughter?

I think we'll be getting a new physical therapist.

A boy turns 3.

 Dear Son,

Today, you turn 3 years old.  I well up with tears just thinking at the immense joy you have brought us these last 3 years.  By your birth, you filled in us a longing that ached so profoundly.  You filled our arms. You made us parents. 

Son, you were chosen before the dawn of humanity to be ours.  We believe God destined you to be ours from the very beginning.  And His perfect plan was that you would be placed in another woman's belly, but would be called ours. 

I still remember the chills that ran up and down my spine when your birthmom asked us what name we had picked for a girl.  We said Hanna.  Her reply? That is her last name.  And then the second set of chills when she asked us what name we had picked for a boy.  We said Brae.  Her reply?  Her middle name is Rae. 

You were meant for us.  

I am so thankful to your birthmom and can never repay her for the gift she gave us: you. She took care of you from inception until birth and then out of an incredible act of love, handed you to us.

Son, Mommy and Daddy were there at your birth.  We held your birthmom's hand as she pushed you out.  Mommy cut your cord.  We kissed you in all your nakie glory, weeping. 

One day, I know you will understand what all of this "adoption stuff" is, and that you will likely have a lot of questions.  We will be ready and willing to answer all of them.

Giving birth doesn't define what it means to be a parent.  Genetics doesn't define what it means to be a parent. 

Son, as you read this one day, know that we loved you before we even knew who you were.  You may have been placed in someone else's belly, but you grew in our hearts until we could hold you in our arms.

You can never lose our love.

In honor of the gift your birthmom gave to us, and in honor of your special day, we dedicate to you "Your Own" by Nate Huss.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2h11lSJNDLc&noredirect=1 

Happy birthday, baby boy.
-- Mommy and Daddy 

Brae-isms

1) He is now into identifying the shapes of his bowel movements.  Last night's was a triangle.

2) He likes to take a.l.l. of the books off his bookshelves (at least 100) and stay up into the wee hours of the night neatly putting them one next to the other on the floor, all around his room.  When I walked in this morning to find his floor covered with neatly separated books, I asked him what he was doing.  He declared proudly, "I made a choo-choo train!  All the people are in the choo-choo train! All aboard!"

3) Along the same lines, the boy takes e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g to bed with him.  We're talking books, balls, puzzles, shoes, socks, underwear, everything.  He barely has a place on the bed to lay his head.

4) He believes in monsters.  I'm not sure where he picked that up, but he believes in monsters.  After successfully convincing him that Daddy had put all the monsters in the garage, and buying 3 nightlights, he is back to sleeping through the night.  Granted, it's broad as day in there, but at least he's sleeping. 

5) He's inherited his Mommy's penchant for cleanliness.  The other day, I walked in his room to find him washing his walls. 

6) He believes anything that is broken can be fixed by adding batteries.  Yesterday, he was having trouble putting the tupperware lid back on the cookie dish (the lid is bent).  He declared, "Mommy! I need some batteries. The lid is broken."

And on Halloween, my precious boy turns 3 years old.  What oh what will come out of his mouth this next year?

Gluten and Infertility

TOP FIVE REASONS Why I Think Everyone (especially those with a history of infertility) Should Try A Gluten-Free Diet....

[Background: I went Gluten-Free (GF) for 4 months before our transfer, and through the first trimester.  After recently being diagnosed with Hashimoto's, and having tested positive for a gluten sensitivity, and also likely actually having Celiac disease (it can only be officially diagnosed with an intestinal probe), I have been GF again for over 3 weeks]

5.  It's not that hard.
       I promise.  Last year, yes, it was very hard.  I think that was in part due to the fact I really did not want   to do it.  Due in part because it was a complete and total lifestyle change for me.  Due in part because the market did not have nearly as much to offer in the way of alternatives as it does now.  There are SO many options out there today vs. last year.  Every single meal that I want to make, I can.  I just have to find substitutes.  And I've never not been able to. Case in point...


4.  There is actually GF bread that tastes good!
      My personal favorite is a brand called "Udi's".  But I've tried a couple of others and they are good as well.  Yes, you have to keep the bread in the fridge, and yes, you have to put it in the toaster before you eat.  But it does taste really good.  Has completely satisfied my craving for bread, which was my biggest concern.


3.  It does not take that long to see or feel results.
     Last year, I was such a skeptic about the benefits of going GF.  I was also on a ton of hormones getting my body ready for the transfer, so who knows if I would have noticed any outward benefits, anyway.  This time around, I've noticed some very perceptible changes, and just in a matter of weeks.  I have not once felt bloated or heavy.  I feel very light and have a lot of energy.  Also, and this is a big one for me, my menstrual cramps have been extremely mild.  In fact, barely noticeable at all.  (This is not surprising since gluten is associated with tissue inflammation).  That alone is worth going GF, for me!

2.  The correlation between gluten and IF is r.e.a.l.
    The research into how gluten affects IF is growing, and is real.  Even among people who have no otherwise outward symptom of a gluten sensitivity (like me).  If you are interested in knowing more than you ever thought you could, I will gladly send you the research and clinical information my endocrinologist sent me. 

1.  It is just healthier.  Period. 
    Gluten, and its derivatives, are in most processed foods.  By eating more organic, and less processed foods, you are just generally healthier.  And, if we are to be good stewards of this body God has given us, it is our responsibility to take care of what we put into it.  No, gluten is not the "answer" to pregnancy, and you cannot go GF with the mind that it will get you pregnant.  You will only be disappointed.  As a believer, you know that only God (and God only) is the giver (and taker) of life.  But, why wouldn't we do our part and at least make a welcoming home in which to receive that gift?

Sienna's 4 month visit.

Stats:

-- 80th percentile for head.
-- 85th percentile for weight (girl is almost 16 lbs!) (She's already in size 9 month Carter clothes)
-- 95th percentile for height! Yowza.

I'm definitely the shorty in this family.

Dr. said she's got incredible muscle tone and strength. (I'm sure she has incredible core muscles after all the crying she did the first 3 months of life.... )

I didn't get a scolding for taking her to a chiropractor. Phew.

Her neck has improved SO much.

Her eyes are still a hypnotic blue. Dr. says they will probably stay that way. (We're in trouble).

Girl has eczema. We got a prescription.

Her "flat spot" on her head is "mild".

And... drumroll... Dr. commented what a "happy" girl she is.

SOOOO nice to hear that vs. what I'd been hearing from strangers the first 3 months of her life.

Second visit with birthmother.

This last weekend, we had our second visit with Brae's birthmom. Our first visit was last year.

In preparation for this visit, I'd been telling Brae tidbits about his birth story. Just little age-appropriate nuggets. Like, "Brae, did you know that when you were a baby, you lived in Rachael's belly? And she loved you SOOO much that she gave you as a gift to Mommy and Daddy."

His interpretation of that? .... hold on to your seat pants.... "Rachael had a tummy ache, and she gave it to Mommy and Daddy." Love that boy.
*****************************************

The visit could not have gone any better. We met at a kids' play gym near Rachael's hometown, which is about 2 hours from us. Rachael brought her daughter, who is Brae's biological half-sister. She is six years old. And she is not only the spitting physical image of a female Brae, she is the spitting personality image (they even whine the same). Same facial expressions, same mannerisms, same gait.

We've never seen Brae interact or play with anyone the way he did Madison. They were thick as thieves from Minute One. Imagine playing with someone who is SO much like you. The same things made them giggle. The same things made them laugh out loud. The same things made them upset. Brae literally could not get enough of her. It was truly an incredible gift to watch.

We also learned some similarities, and perhaps got to look in the Crystal Ball...:

1) Madison LOVES basketball. Go figure.
2) Madison is good at math, not that interested in reading.
3) Madison is VERY outgoing and sociable. She is a natural born leader.
... and?

4) Madison was not potty-trained until she was between 3-4 years old. Rachael said she was just so bull headed she refused to use the toilet. (Gee... this sounds familiar...)

Thank you, Jesus, for letting me hear that!

All in all, it was a fantastic visit. Rachael is doing amazing and it was such a treat to see both of them. And, proof positive that God blessed us doubly with her? ...

Rachael: "People sometimes ask me how I had the strength to choose adoption. I just keep telling them that he wasn't mine to begin with."

Tears.

Endocronologist, sibling jealousy, and saying goodbye

-- I saw the endocrinologist today. And I finally feel like I have a grasp on the root cause of our infertility. It is most likely linked to my Hashimoto's disease, and its early onset. The doctor also suggested that I have asymptomatic Celiac disease. I'm asymptomatic except for one thing -- infertility. Infertility is a symptom of Celiac disease. Celiac would also explain my gluten sensitivity, as proven by my blood test. The doctor recommended I see a gastrointerologist (sp?) to confirm Celiac through a probe. That may be something I do one day, but I've been gluten free (again) for over a week. I'm not quite sure why I'm doing it, other than to just generally be healthy. (Sure, it would be awesome to experience a spontaneous pregnancy, but I can't be doing it for that reason). Hashimoto's and Celiac tend to go hand in hand because they are both autoimmune diseases. Going gluten free this time around has been a lot easier than last year -- there are just so many more choices nowadays. I'll keep it up until I feel like no longer keeping it up. That simple. And, at that time I may see a gastro doctor to confirm whether or not I do have Celiac. But I'm not sure what good that will do me other than to simply have a diagnosis. If I'm asymptomatic (other than IF), then it would be really hard to be motivated to stay gluten free. Scarily, the odds of miscarriage are TWICE the normal population if I do in fact have Celiac and eat gluten. On a side note, I learned Hashi's has a genetic predisposition component. My grandmother had a goiter when she was younger. That most likely means she also has Hashi's. I told her to get tested. She's almost 90. Probably not too excited to learn she has an autoimmune disease at this age. Oh well.

-- Terrible two's is a misnomer. It's the terrible three's. Or the terrible almost-three's. Brae has been pushing every button in my system lately. Repeatedly. Bedtimes are the worst. Last night he didn't fall asleep until 10 (despite being put in his room at 8), woke up screaming at 1, and again at 5. When I brought him in bed with me at 5 (after Tygh had gone to work), he kicked me for nearly an hour, screaming that he wanted to go downstairs and watch Mickey Mouse. I just ignored the behavior (my new tactic). Eventually, he gave up and fell asleep. Then I very, very slowly crawled out of bed and woke him up 90 min later. That's just one example. I have a whole list (including him trying to flush an entire roll of toilet paper -- cardboard included -- down the toilet). After much wringing of hands, Tygh and I think we've stumbled on the answer -- Sienna. His precious little sister has thrown his world upside down. For his whole life, he's been the center of attention. First grandchild on THREE sides. Now, there's this new person living in his house, taking away attention from him. And he has no control over it. Sure, you may be thinking, you are idiot parents if you didn't recognize this. But we honestly didn't. He has never shown any signs of aggression or jealousy TOWARD Sienna (hasn't tried to "off" her), so we just figured he was acclimating fine. I think we've been dead wrong. This revelation has actually really helped things because we have a new sensitivity toward him. I just have to keep remembering this the next time he's throwing a shoe at me.

-- I'm finally ready to write about something that happened nearly 6 weeks ago. You may recall that we adopted two sets of embryos. The first set resulted in our beautiful daughter. Because of her, we never tried the second set. Well, after a lot of painful and hard conversations, we returned those precious embryos to their donors. It was a very hard decision and, if I'm honest, not one I was totally on board with. I'm not sure I'm still totally on board with it. You see, I want a third child. At least, I think I do, most days. Tygh is really only ready for a third child if it happened spontaneously. When you have to go through so much of an effort to have a child, it really makes it much less appealing. I get that. But, I have a larger picture. I think 10, 20, 30 years down the road and what I want my family to look like. I want 3 kids. God knows this. I believe this is a God-given desire and, true to His character, He will fulfill it or take it away. In any case, it was the right thing to do to return those embryos. With Tygh and I not being on the same page, it was best to return those embryos so they may be adopted by the family they are meant to be with. The right thing to do is usually the hardest.

A diagnosis after nearly two decades.

I have Hashimoto's disease.

At age 13, I went in for a routine physical. The doctor noticed a large bump in my throat. He said it was cancer. (I think he was a med student). For many months, I saw an endocrinologist. I eventually learned I had a problem with my thyroid and have been on medication ever since. I never really knew how important it was, so I was not always great about taking it. When I didn't take it, I noticed I'd get extremely fatigued, so that's when I'd remember to take it.

But I was never diagnosed with the cause of my thyroid dysfunction. Your thyroid doesn't just stop working for no reason. Especially at 13.

Today, I got the results back from a blood panel that confirms I have Hashimoto's. (That's right, I was never officially diagnosed until today. And that is probably because it may not matter why you have hypothyroidism, the treatment would be the same). Except, if you have ever experienced infertility, then knowing you have Hashimoto's means a lot.

In a nutshell, Hashimoto's is an autoimmune disorder that leads to hypothyroidism. An autoimmune disease occurs when your own immune system attacks your organs, cells, tissues, or glands. In Hashimoto's, it targets and destroys the functioning of the thyroid gland.

Why is this particularly important to me? Well, although my thyroid has been "controlled" for a long time with medication, for many years it was not controlled or not well controlled. It has very likely led to an effect on my egg quality, and hence, our inability to conceive or maintain a pregnancy. Especially because it was diagnosed (and who knows for how long had been previously untreated) right at the time I started menstruating as a pre-teen.

Another interesting insight about Hashimoto's? It also explains my sensitivity to gluten. I did go gluten-free for 4 months before we got pregnant, and until the second trimester.

To not be doom and gloom, many many people with Hashimoto's successfully conceive and carry a pregnancy to term. But, it is at least helpful and interesting to know that it is probably the biggest reason why we have had so much difficulty.

AND? God is SOOOOOOO much bigger than this. This diagnosis today was not at all a surprise to Him. He's known it all along. And, He got us pregnant.

Whenever I start to think about how big my problems are, I just remember how BIG my God is!!!!!! There is nothing He cannot overcome.

"Who is like you among the gods, O Lord, glorious in holiness, awesome in splendor, performing great wonders? -- Exodus 15:11

Third birthfamily visit

Last weekend, we had our third visit with Brae's birth father's side of the family. We met at a local amusement park that Brae hadn't yet been to. It was nice to see them all show up to see Brae. All except for one. Unfortunately, Brae's birth father didn't make it. Apparently there were some internal family dynamics that caused him to decide not to come. But he did give Brae a birthday gift (a huge stuffed teddy bear that says "I love you"), and he wrote him a card.

By far the biggest hit was the Ford F-150 truck they brought for him. Although Brae was a little hesitant at first, he quickly caught on and was zooming all around the parking lot. He's definitely the envy of the neighborhood (adults included).

Here's a video of him riding it for the first time: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vx7oPXTQBxQ

At the end of the visit, Brae's biological great grandmother asked if we could do this again next year. I said, "Of course. We've always said that we will continue these visits so long as it is in Brae's best interest. Right now, because he doesn't know what is going on, these visits are mostly to create memories, take pictures, and for you. But we feel it's important that Brae know his roots and have a connection to his biological family. But, if he ever decides he doesn't want to come to a visit, we won't come."

They appeared to understand. I have a feeling the presents will only get more extravagant as the years go on. What kid doesn't want to go somewhere and get presents? ; )

In all sincerity, these visits are important to us, for Brae. We have a semi-open adoption and although we have no piece of paper that says we have to do these visits, we love our son tremendously, and don't ever want him to feel that he was abandoned. He was not. He has a biological family (on both sides) that love him SO much and are grateful for the adoption decision that was made. And if these visits help him see that love, then they are important to us. We don't expect everyone to understand this (especially if you have not adopted), but as Brae's parents, we believe strongly we know what is best for him, and for now, these visits are good for him.

In other news...

-- This story cracks me up every time I tell it. I picked Brae up from school the other day and we passed by the "time-out" chair, a little chair in the corner of the room all by itself. As Brae and I walked out, Brae points to the chair and yells, "Look, Mommy! That's Brae's chair!"

-- Sienna started 'school' too. S he's at the same Spanish immersion school Brae is at. It's taking some time for her to adjust. But, on the bright side, I've found an alternative to Babywise's method of getting your child to sleep through the night -- take her to a new school where she stays awake all day.

A year ago today and the Top Ten Things I'll miss most about maternity leave

A year ago today, baby Sienna was transferred in my womb. She was five days gestation. She was also transferred with her other sibling, who was released straight into Jesus's arms.

A year ago today, I saw a picture of Sienna as an embryo. (She's a lot cuter now).

A year ago today, I saw life on a photograph, and life was growing inside of me.

A year ago today, my dreams of experiencing pregnancy were fulfilled. The words God spoke to me a year prior were being completed. He had given me a "promise of God;" He had given me my Sienna.

Thank you, Lord, for doing a great work in me. I'm so very blessed and thankful.

....

What I will miss most about maternity leave (a Top Ten list):

#10: Not showering for two, three (okay, maybe four) days in a row

#9: Wearing the same clothes for a week

#8: Going to the grocery store on Mondays and hanging out with all the old people

#7: Dr. Phil

#6: The morning and afternoon stroller walks taking Brae to school ... ten miles each way, up hills both ways, with holes in my shoes, in ten feet of snow ... oh, wait

#5: Cleaning house, wiping Sienna's mouth, doing laundry, wiping Sienna's mouth, making dinner, wiping Sienna's mouth ...

#4: Mid-morning naps, afternoon naps, late afternoon naps ... (Sienna's, unfortunately, not mine)

#3: Organizing the pantry... alphabetically

#2: Finding random people on facebook, stalking their lives, but never befriending them

.... and the #1 thing I will miss most about maternity leave...

#1: Being able to pick up my daughter, hold her, hug her, and kiss her whenever I wanted to.

I'll miss you so much, baby girl. Work is a necessary evil.

Udders, Breast pumps, and can I get an AMEN?!

Britney update:

I go back to work on Monday. I think I'm feeling okay about that. It's been a good, long maternity leave and I feel ready to turn the next page and see what's in store. It will be hard, and I'm sure I'll be calling the school every day for the first week to see how she's doing. Sigh.
Sienna update:

We've had two chiro visits and another PT visit this afternoon. I think I see improvement, but I'm not sure how much is attributed to all the work we've been doing vs. her just getting bigger/stronger.

Brae stories:

-- Brae and I were reading a book the other night when we came across a picture of a cow. He pointed at it and said, "Uh-oh, Mommy!" "What?" I asked. "The cow is pooping," he said. "What? No, it's not. Why do you think it's pooping?" I inquired. "Look, Mommy, it's pooping," he said again, this time pointing at the cow's udders.

-- Three days ago, Tygh walked in to the living room to find Brae crouched in a corner, his back turned. Tygh heard a strange "woosh-woosh" sound coming from where Brae was. "Brae? What are you doing?" Tygh asked. Brae turned his head to face his dad and had a smile on his face. Tygh got closer to see what Brae was doing. .... He was using my breast pump (and correctly, I might add).

--Tygh's grandmother died a few weeks ago. Her memorial service was this last weekend. Brae attended the service, sitting on Tygh's lap. There were probably a hundred people in the auditorium. And each time someone finished speaking, the room would be quiet. Still. Solemn. Silent prayers being offered by all in attendance. And then, without fail, piercing the silence, you'd hear a little voice shout, "AMEN!" That would be Brae.

-- The memorial service was held at church. Yes, Brae knows that Jesus and God are at church. But he also knows that there is basketball at church. After the service, when everyone was milling around, Brae wanted to play basketball. And he wanted someone to play with. So, he went up to an unassuming soul, his uncle's father (great uncle), looked up at him and asked, "Will you play basketball with me?" What is so cute about this? ... His great uncle is blind.

Sienna's first visit to a chiropractor. And... identity theft.

Sienna had her first visit to the chiropractor. I found one who specializes in infants. Let me just put this out there -- I am EXTREMELY skeptical of chiropractors, naturopaths, and basically all forms of alternative medicine. I come from a very traditional medical background (and my mom is a Physician's Assistant), so anything alternative is very scary to me.

That said, I'm willing to try most anything to help my kids. I am their advocates, after all. So, after much personal debate, I decided to go see a chiro about Sienna's torticollis.

And? It was actually a really good visit. I remained skeptical even as I stepped through the door of the office (which was in an old historic house, and incense was emanating out the windows -- neither of which helped my stereotypes). Then, when the doctor came down, a handsome guy with long hair (again, not helping the stereotypes), and asked me to call him by his first name, I looked to the door to see if I could still escape.

But, after about 30 minutes of chatting with him, I started to ease up. He convinced me that he would not harm my daughter. The treatment would consist mostly of massaging her muscle. He "examined" her and said her case is "moderate" and that he can feel she has a lot of little knots in her neck. Thankfully, she does not have any hip displacement.

We discussed openly the standoff between traditional medicine and chiropractors, and it helped me to be honest with him that I was very skeptical of his profession.

In the end, he recommended twice a week treatments for a few weeks and said we should see improvement. If not, he'd change the course of treatment. In very layman's terms, it seems that my PT focuses on stretching the muscle, and the chiro focuses on massaging it. (And Sienna LOVED to be massaged).

I know that only God can heal my baby girl. But, I believe with everything in me that God uses doctors of all kinds to heal. And it is my great prayer that God uses traditional and non-traditional medicine to get Sienna stronger.

IN OTHER NEWS: For the second time in my life, I've been a victim of ID theft. Thankfully (praise God!), I actually noticed it before anything happened. My bank sent me an email alert saying a new account had been added to transfer money to. Ummm... I didn't do that. So, after talking with the bank for a few hours, we figured out who the guy is ,what his account is, and that he lives in the Bronx. I plan to file a claim against him this week. He had set a new account up to transfer $750 to the next day. Thankfully, we thwarted his evil deeds.

I'm not sure exactly how he got my account number or was able to hack into it, but I suspect I didn't have the strongest or most difficult to figure out passwords. So, that has all been changed. I have to think that all of the online shopping that Tygh and I do doesn't help either. So, I also added a 90-day security alert to my credit. The next step would be to close all of our accounts and start over. That sounds like a lot of work, so I'm just monitoring our accounts, and if there is any unauthorized activity, our bank will cover it.

Sigh. Can we just get to heaven already? (PS-- If you have not read "Heaven is For Real" by Todd Burpo -- you must go out and buy it today and read it. Best book (aside from Bible) I've ever read).

A God Thing.

I was just going through some old baby pictures of Brae and couldn't help but notice the resemblance with Sienna.... has to be a God thing. What do you think?