Our baby boy turns 1!

It's so unbelievable that this time last year, I was on maternity leave and enjoying my newborn son. I was still on the roller coaster of emotions, still in awe of God's faithfulness, and still not sleeping a wink. I constantly teetered between shouting for joy, sitting silently in fascination, and weeping at God's goodness. My son had finally arrived. The desert walk was over (for the time), and it was time for the harvest celebration. (How fitting that Brae arrived on Halloween or Harvest Day).

Years of praying and waiting for this moment were a thing of the past. God had responded mightily and blessed us abundantly with our son. For so long, I'd grown so accustomed to being on my knees, face in hands, filling those hands with tears. I'd grown so close and intimate with God, I felt comfortable on my knees. It was actually a little unnerving to leave that place. But, the time had come. God wanted me to get off my knees and move those legs into dancing! It was time for REJOICING!

Becoming a mother has taught me so many things. The most apparent of which is that agreeing to be a parent means that you also agree to allow your heart to forever live outside of your body. That is so true. I would walk in front of a semi truck to save my son. I literally would do just about ANYTHING to ensure my son's safety, security, health, and happiness. He means THAT much to me. He is MINE.

What is even more amazing is that he is actually God's, and that God loves him even more than I do. He loves me that much, too. It is unfathomable that anyone could love my son more than me. But my God does.

My God is good; He is great; He is holy. He provides unthinkable things to His children. Blessings beyond my comprehension. There was a time when I didn't think I could love a child that I didn't bear from my body as much as one that I did.

I was wrong. So, so wrong. Second to God and my husband, I love Brae than anything or anyone else.

Thank you, Lord, that you gave to me so much more than I could even dream. Thank you for my son.

Happy birthday, son. Mommy and Daddy love you so much. But God loves you more.

First visit with the birthfamily!

Yesterday was a special day. Brae's birthfather's side of the family (his paternal biological mother, aunt, and grandma) drove up from the Roseburg area to the Zoo to see Brae for the first time since he was born. Our case worker was also there. I was praying the whole way there that this visit would be a blessing. And it was. It was a little awkward at first, but because we all knew it was important, we tried our best to ease some of the anxiety with simple small talk. About a half hour in, I think we all felt more comfortable. They were so grateful to see him and couldn't stop talking about him, taking their eyes off him, and of course, holding him and cradling him. You could tell it meant the world to them. We walked around the zoo for about 2 hours and, at the end, they gave Brae a TON of birthday gifts that he will open at his birthday party. They also gave me and Tygh some very cool ceramic coffee mugs that say 'Proud Papa,' and 'Proud Mama.' We are indeed! As we left, they said how blessed Brae is to have us as parents. That was touching. They also said that each round of pictures and letters we send to them is like opening a Christmas present and has really helped them cope.

We know Brae won't remember this visit, but we think it was very important and are so grateful it happened and that we have pictures. One thing is for sure: this boy will never feel unloved, unwanted, or abandoned. He was handed over out of love and as a very special gift. It didn't make the decision any harder on the birthfamily, but we believe this visit confirmed to them that it really was in Brae's best interest. We hope one day that Brae is able to say to them, 'Thank you.' Because, for our part, we certainly are eternally grateful.

Nine Month Check-up!

Brae just had his 9 month check-up! He's now 19.5 lbs, which puts him in the 40th percentile. He's 28.5 inches long, which puts him in the 60th percentile. Basically, still a long, skinny dude. Doctor said he's right on track developmentally, and he has no concerns whatsoever about autistic tendencies (apparently they can actually tell this at this early of an age!). Doc also said Brae has 4 top teeth that are ready to break right through, which could explain the general fussiness Brae has had the last few days. Brae crawled around on the floor most of the visit (I think the doc was a bit bemused that I was letting him crawl around on the linoleum floor (icky, dirty)). He also got his second polio vaccination, and unlike the other vaccinations, I was determined to stay by Brae's side and pray he didn't think I was the one hurting him. He then passed out in the car on the way to his school.

Adoption Finalized!

Brae is legally and totally ours! The ceremony was a grand total of about 5 minutes, so may have been a little anti-climactic, but still so worth it.

I don't know how I expected to feel. I have never thought that Brae was anything but totally ours. I suspected that maybe after the ceremony I'd feel a huge weight off my shoulders. But nothing. Not much really changed in my eyes. In my eyes, he had been ours from the beginning. Although it did cross my mind that we can't give him back now! Not even at 3 am when he's got a fever and crying!

It's amazing to think that God had Brae William Grant planned for us from the very beginning. I believe God has had my life planned out in its grandest scheme since I was formed in my mama's belly. Jeremiah 29:11-13. That plan included Brae. For me and for Tygh.

Looking back at our journey, God had this timing all planned out to His perfection. The month we miscarried, Brae was being formed in Rachael's womb. In October, when we had our second pregnancy loss, Brae was born. How cool is that? It was supposed to be Brae all along. No one else.

I believe God has great things in store for Brae. I feel tremendously honored and privileged to call him my son, and cannot wait to hear him call me "Mommy."

Ecclesiastes 3:11: "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

Mother's Day

I've looked forward to this day ever since I wanted to be a Mom, but surprisingly, now that it was here, my mind was more focused on all the other women out there who want to be Moms (like I did), and who are still waiting for that blessing. I was so grateful that my church chose to acknowledge these women, as well as those who don't have a good relationship with their kids, or who have lost a child, etc. Mother's Day can be just as joyful for some as it is painful for others.

That said, I still did enjoy "my" day. I am so grateful and feel so blessed for the gift of Brae God has given us.

Brae made me a handmade door hanging thing that said "Te quiero, Mama!" (I wonder just HOW much Brae participated in this craft). Then I got to sleep in and Brae and Tygh brought me breakfast in bed. Brae also cut his first tooth this weekend, and lovingly passed on his most recent viral infection to me. Love you, son!

Six-month check up!

Brae is now 6 months old! It's hard to believe that he is a half a year old already. At his doctor appointment today, he took the immunization shots like a champ. He is 16.25 lbs., (25th percentile) and is 27 inches long (75th percentile). The doctor was very impressed that he is sitting on his own and even more impressed at what a happy little guy he is. He emphasized how good of a job we are doing (every parents' favorite words to hear), and that he's on track to be crawling by 8 months. It's time to baby-proof the house! Doctor's orders.

A Hello

This is our first attempt at a "blog," so bear with us! We decided to do a blog to keep our family and friends apprised of our little family. Here's the latest:

Brae: He's now almost 6 months old! He has just started on solids and has a penchant for sweet potatoes. Not a big fan of bananas so far. Last night was the first time he tried carrots. Not as good as sweet potatoes. He's sitting up much longer on his own (a few minutes) before he tumbles over. His favorite show is "Handy Manny" on Disney. He has discovered that crying achieves him things. For example, he knows that crying means that he can get attention if he's bored or wants to be picked up. It's no longer about basic needs. He is no longer swaddled at night for sleep, so he's taken great liberty with rolling all over his crib during sleep. He prefers to sleep on his stomach with his face firmly planted in the sheet. (Yes - he can still breathe!) His favorite toy is still the remote control. He loves Norm and Lilith; especially Lilith because she lets him pull her hair.

Tygh: Tygh is doing well at work and, praise God, still has a job despite this economy. He's hard at work on various projects, going into work about 5:30 each morning and picking up Brae around 3:30-4 for "man time." The band is also doing really well. They have huge upcoming gigs at Hawthorne Theatre and the Crystal Ballroom.

Britney: And me! I'm doing well. Work is staying busy, but not stressful. I feel very fortunate to have a job that provides me great flexibility and the people I work with are amazing. God is also doing a great work in my life in the department of SURRENDERING. Surrendering my wants, desires, goals to what HE wants for my life. It's a daily battle. But we've been blessed with so many things, it's time to just focus on those.

"But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, be patient! For it will surely take place. It will not be late by a single day." Habakkuk 2:3.