-- There is such a thing as the infant phantom cry. I listen to it for hours each night until it becomes a reality. Then I stumble and trip to the source.
-- I miss taking showers at normal hours. I miss checking emails during the daytime.
-- Tygh tells Sienna boys only want one thing -- to get in her diaper.
-- I want my own vibrating chair. And my own sleep sack.
-- I wonder what breastmilk tastes like. No, I'm not going to try it. But I wonder.
-- Breast pumps were made by men. Wanting to experiment in torture techniques. Torture techniques of cows.
-- At what point does it become bad form to step out into public wearing the same clothes? 2 days? 3 days? A week?
-- I want to paint Sienna's toenails. Don't worry. I'm resisting the urge.
-- I wish I had memories from when I was 2.5 weeks old. But for Sienna's sake, I'm glad she doesn't.
-- We went to a seminar on adoption and attachment the other night. I'm still processing my feelings about it, but will write on it soon.
-- Tygh came home the other day to find me sitting outside feeding Sienna, and Brae running around the driveway in a shirt -- just a shirt. No pants, no diaper, no socks, no shoes, just a shirt. His wet diaper was strewn next to the garage. His pants were nowhere in sight. And he was playing basketball (of course). Tygh walked up to me with a smile and said, "Darling, have you just given up?" Yes, yes I have.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Musings from a 12-day-old
** I have been following each of your blogs, but for some reason, am having difficulty leaving comments. Anyone else having issues?**
From Sienna:
-- I LOVE to be held. I cannot reiterate that enough. I can be fed, changed, and completely exhausted, but if I'm not in your arms, I throw a fit. Daddy says I'm high maintenance and if we don't get this need to be constantly held under control, a whole host of issues can occur -- teenage insecurity/rebellion, followed by lots of tats and piercings, followed by me marrying some guy named Vinny at a midnight ceremony in Vegas.
-- I don't much care for my crib. It's hard and uncomfortable. I prefer to sleep (only after being held) in my vibrating chair.
-- I don't think I've worn anything other than pink since I was born.
-- Mommy puts these gawdy huge bows on my head. They get in my eyes.
-- I poop with every single feeding. And it stinks.
-- Nursing is going better, although I still recognize that milk just comes faster from a bottle than from Mommy. Sorry, Ma.
-- I love my big brother. He's always watching out for me. He gives a play-by-play to Daddy in the car. "Daddy, uh-oh, Sienna lost her binky." "Daddy, uh-oh, Sienna's crying." "Daddy, uh-oh, Sienna's missing." (That last one had Mommy in a tizzy).
From Sienna:
-- I LOVE to be held. I cannot reiterate that enough. I can be fed, changed, and completely exhausted, but if I'm not in your arms, I throw a fit. Daddy says I'm high maintenance and if we don't get this need to be constantly held under control, a whole host of issues can occur -- teenage insecurity/rebellion, followed by lots of tats and piercings, followed by me marrying some guy named Vinny at a midnight ceremony in Vegas.
-- I don't much care for my crib. It's hard and uncomfortable. I prefer to sleep (only after being held) in my vibrating chair.
-- I don't think I've worn anything other than pink since I was born.
-- Mommy puts these gawdy huge bows on my head. They get in my eyes.
-- I poop with every single feeding. And it stinks.
-- Nursing is going better, although I still recognize that milk just comes faster from a bottle than from Mommy. Sorry, Ma.
-- I love my big brother. He's always watching out for me. He gives a play-by-play to Daddy in the car. "Daddy, uh-oh, Sienna lost her binky." "Daddy, uh-oh, Sienna's crying." "Daddy, uh-oh, Sienna's missing." (That last one had Mommy in a tizzy).
Monday, June 13, 2011
Sienna's birth story.
So here it goes, before I forget it all!
-- A week ago today, I went in for my 40 week "due date" appointment. I was still not dialated, still 80% effaced, and she was still about station -1. The doctor said that it was unlikely I was going to dialate on my own if I hadn't already, so we scheduled an induction for the 14th (tomorrow). The dr. said that unless my water broke, I wasn't going into labor on my own.
-- Tygh and I left that appointment at 4:30. Two hours later, as I'm squatting down at Brae's bookshelf to pick out some bedtime stories, I feel a "gush". I paused. No, it can't be, I tell myself. Then I go to the bathroom, and sure enough, there was no doubt. Just trust me, there was no doubt.
-- I go downstairs, numb, to Tygh. He and Brae are watching TV. I say, "Um, I think my water just broke." Now, keep in mind, we had a false alarm about 2 weeks ago, so he's a little skeptical. Then, he looks at the floor. He looks at me. He sees what has puddled on the floor. Then, very calmly, he says, "okay, well, let's get our stuff."
-- As I'm running around the house trying to gather things and call people, my heart is just racing. Two hours earlier I thought I had another week to go.
-- Tygh's mom arrives to pick up Brae. As she's holding him, I kiss him and say, "Brae, we're going to get Baby Sienna now." His eyes widen. He nods his head. I know he has no idea what is going on, but he doesn't let it show.
-- We arrive to the hospital and are put in triage. They confirmed my water had broken. But still not dialated. Behind the curtain next to me, I overhear a sweet young woman just brokenhearted. She's alone. She's having false labor pains. She is talking to her nurse saying she is choosing adoption for her baby. She has no way to support him. She says she loves him, but she knows she just cannot provide for him. She lives on the psych ward in the hospital.
-- I don't believe in coincidences. I ask Tygh to pull the curtain back. I call out, "Hi, roomie." Silence. "Hi, roomie." "You talking to me?" "Yes. I couldn't help but overhear you. I just wanted to say that my husband and I adopted our son 2.5 years ago from a birthmom. I just want to tell you that I think you are amazing." The conversation went on for a little bit from there. She was going through Catholic Charities. She hadn't chosen a family yet. Minutes later, the doctor told her they were taking her back to the psych ward. As she left, I told her I'd be thinking of her. Then, as she left, I started praying silently for her. Her name is Stephanie. I pray for protection over her, that baby boy, and the family she will choose.
-- I arrived at our birthing suite. Our nurse, Brenda, was phenomenal. She swung us a HUGE suite. I settled in, thinking I'd have a baby in the morning. It was about 9 p.m. I watched the Bachelorette (Bentley is a jerk!). I'd already eaten, so wasn't hungry. Tygh settled in. My mom and sister arrived. Still not dialated.
-- By morning, I was in pain. The contractions had started, and I'd asked for pain medication (which I never thought I'd do, aside from the epidural). They started pitocin. A few hours later, when I was around 2-3 cm, I got the epidural. But it never really took on the left side, which, as it would turn out, would be the biggest source of stress and pain of all.
-- I was getting hungry. And thirsty. But I was only allowed ice chips and popsicles. Family and friends flowed freely in the room. Contractions were about every 4-5 minutes. For the most part, I was alert until a contraction came. Then, I just would close my eyes, moan softly, and someone would be rubbing my head, my arm, or my lower back.
-- Around 6 p.m., I was only 5-6 cms dialated. I was in a LOT of pain. I hit a wall. I'd been at the hospital for nearly 24 hours, and I was only halfway dialated. Are you kidding me?! I felt emotionally and physically exhausted, drained, and just.done. I was done. Literally. DONE. I cried to the nurse, "Please, just give me a C-section. I can't do this anymore. I can't even think of pushing or going through this for any longer. Just get her out of me, please," I begged. "Honey, you don't want a C-section." "Yes," I pleaded, "I do." Tears were streaming down my face. I was shaking. "Please, I can't go through this anymore. I'm done."
-- After hearing this, the doctor ordered everyone out of the room. She said she wanted me to have time to rest. I felt like no one was listening to me. They were pushing me to have a vaginal birth. I couldn't feel my legs or my toes from the epidural. I'd been in a bed for over 24 hours, had no food or water, and was having strong contractions every 2-3 minutes. And I was only 5-6 cms dialated? "Dear God," I prayed, "Please help me get through this. I feel defeated. I'm worn down. I don't want this anymore."
-- Then, I fell asleep for 4 hours.
-- When I woke up, the "transition phase" started. That's when you go through the 7-9 cms dialation. It was brutal. I was shaking all over and didn't have control over my body. I was sweating, and yet the room was at a cool 60 degrees. I was throwing up, and yet all I'd had in the last 30 hours were ice chips and 2 popsicles. I felt like I could die. Sienna was still sunnyside up, so the nurse put me in a variety of side positions to try and gravitationally turn Sienna around.
-- Around 11 p.m., the nurse checked me again. I was 9 cms dialated. Thank you, Lord! On the one hand, the end seemed in sight and I was relieved. On the other hand, this definitely meant I was not getting a C-section, which meant I had to keep going. I was not done yet.
-- Sienna was SO low (she'd been low the whole pregnancy), the nurse thought that even though I was at 9 cms, and still had to get to 10, if I pushed, I may just get to 10. So, with a little push, I got to 10. The pain on my left side was excruciating. The epidural had never fully taken on that side, and that's the side that Sienna was on. It felt like someone was digging and twisting a long, sharp knife into my lower back. The anesthesiologist came back in to "top off" the epidural, which only further numbed my right side, but offered little relief to my left. If you've ever been completely numb from the waist down, but completely coherent otherwise, it is the most helpless feeling. You cannot even wiggle your toes, try as you might.
-- Around midnight, the nurse wanted me to start pushing. The doctor was at another delivery (not my doctor, but the on-call doctor). I did about 2-3 sets of pushes, and the nurse could see her head. She called for the doctor. Then, we waited. This was the hardest part. Sienna was almost here, and yet I had to wait. And wait. Because of the epidural, there wasn't really much pain, just a lot of pressure.
-- Tygh is very queasy. When I'd gotten my epidural, even though he didn't see any of it (he was in front of me, holding my hand), he nearly went over. So, I knew he wasn't going to make it through the delivery. But, when he'd heard that I was getting ready to push again, he came in, gave me a kiss, and said, "I love you. You can do it." Then, he returned to the waiting room. My mom, my sister, and the nurse remained.
-- The doctor came in and around 12:30, we started pushing again. I did about another 2-3 more sets of pushes, and she was out! In total, I pushed for about 26 minutes. The doctor said that was one of the fastest first-time deliveries she'd ever seen. After 31 hours of "labor", 26 minutes was like lightning. Thank you, God! She was born at 1:11 am. I went into the hospital on Monday. She was born on Wednesday.
-- I didn't know it at the time, but learned just yesterday a very cool side story. My dear friend, Rhonda, who has walked this adoption journey with me, and has adopted a son of her own, sent me an email. Around midnight/1 p.m. on Tuesday/Wednesday, she said she awoke to the sound of 3 knocks on her door. Or, so she thought. She got up, and went to check on her son. He was fine. Then, God brought me to her mind. Rhonda knew I was in labor, but had last received a blog update around 6 p.m. the night before. She didn't know whether I was still in labor or had delivered. She felt God impressing on her to pray for me. She began praying. By the time she finished, it was 1:30. She didn't know it, but Sienna had been born. (Thank you, Rhonda. I still tear up). (We have a very similar story for when Brae was born -- an acquaintance was awoken in the middle of the night and felt impressed upon to pray for our son, who had yet to be born. She did, and he was born the next morning).
-- I thought for sure I'd want music playing during the delivery. I even had my Ipod playlist all ready. Nope. I wanted none of it. And I didn't want to be touched. I wanted it dark, cool, and silent. No one spoke, except for the doctor to count.
-- I saw Sienna come out and it was surreal. This little person has been growing and moving inside of you for all this time, and she's finally here. I can't describe it. I was overcome with emotion, but too exhausted to express any of it. This little life was transferred to me in cell form, and here she had eyes, ears, a mouth, toes. She was a person. She grew inside of me. I still can't wrap my head around it. My sister started to cry. My mom cut the cord.
-- They placed Sienna on my chest. I felt her warmth. Her little heartbeat. To this day, I'm still amazed.
-- As they took Sienna over to get cleaned up, weighed, and measured, the doctor tried to deliver the placenta. But, it wasn't detaching from the wall. After another 30 minutes of increasing the pitocin and still contracting, the doctor finally had to go in and get it. OUCH. Hurt way more than the delivery of Sienna. (Can I just say the placenta is a remarkable-looking organ? But no, I don't want to keep it or freeze it or plant it.) But, the doctor said because of the quick delivery of Sienna, I barely had any tearing. I had "skid marks". She did a few stiches, but said everything should heal just fine.
-- Tygh came back in and held his daughter for the first time. Family and friends slowly began to come in and greet our baby girl. I was still way too exhausted to show any kind of emotion. All I wanted was a Sprite. My dear father-in-law scoured the hospital, and finally came back with two Sprites. I downed them.
-- A few hours later, I was transferred up to the recovery suite. Family, friends, and Tygh went home. As hard as it was, I asked to have Sienna in the respite room so I could get some sleep. I knew I needed sleep for her, and for me. But, after 3 hours, I couldn't take it. I asked for her back, and we slept together.
-- I came home Thursday evening and was so ready to be home. The hardest part of the recovery was actually regaining sensation in my legs. I'm thankful for the quick delivery because it really has made for an equally quick recovery. I'm really not in pain, and the cramps are only mild. The hardest part has been the pain and frustration associated with nursing. Sienna doesn't have the best latch, and despite several sessions with a lactation specialist, I probably will not be able to provide Sienna everything she needs with nursing. That was hard to accept at first, and I had to wrestle with some guilt, but the girl needs to eat. So, I've been doing some nursing just to help with the bonding, but am mostly pumping and bottle feeding.
-- I know most moms say this, but Sienna really is a dream baby. Last night, she slept 5.5 hours straight. She really doesn't fuss, she loves to be held, and she's just so very sweet.
-- Brae has been remarkable. He was at his grandparents for 2 days while I was in the hospital, and as much as he loves them, I know it was hard and confusing for him. He went to school a couple days last week, and the teachers said he wasn't eating or sleeping well, and seemed teary-eyed. ; (
-- Tygh and I have made special attempts to spend time with just him alone. We had a good weekend. Brae hasn't shown any sings of aggression toward Sienna. He's actually been a good helper (bringing me a bottle for her, turning on her vibrating chair, wanting to make sure she has a slice of pizza too, etc.). But he definitely has shown jealous tendencies -- wanting to be held when we're holding her, demanding more of our attention, etc. This morning, when I dropped him off at school, he threw a tantrum and didn't want me to leave. Broke my heart. I know he's going through just as much of a transition as the rest of us. I don't want him to feel replaced. He's not. He will always be the child that made us parents. He will always be the child that filled such a longing in us.
-- So, such has begun my summertime maternity leave. And it's raining oustide. But inside, next to me, in her little butterfly vibrating chair, pursing her rosebud lips, lays my daughter. My "promise from God." My Sienna.
-- A week ago today, I went in for my 40 week "due date" appointment. I was still not dialated, still 80% effaced, and she was still about station -1. The doctor said that it was unlikely I was going to dialate on my own if I hadn't already, so we scheduled an induction for the 14th (tomorrow). The dr. said that unless my water broke, I wasn't going into labor on my own.
-- Tygh and I left that appointment at 4:30. Two hours later, as I'm squatting down at Brae's bookshelf to pick out some bedtime stories, I feel a "gush". I paused. No, it can't be, I tell myself. Then I go to the bathroom, and sure enough, there was no doubt. Just trust me, there was no doubt.
-- I go downstairs, numb, to Tygh. He and Brae are watching TV. I say, "Um, I think my water just broke." Now, keep in mind, we had a false alarm about 2 weeks ago, so he's a little skeptical. Then, he looks at the floor. He looks at me. He sees what has puddled on the floor. Then, very calmly, he says, "okay, well, let's get our stuff."
-- As I'm running around the house trying to gather things and call people, my heart is just racing. Two hours earlier I thought I had another week to go.
-- Tygh's mom arrives to pick up Brae. As she's holding him, I kiss him and say, "Brae, we're going to get Baby Sienna now." His eyes widen. He nods his head. I know he has no idea what is going on, but he doesn't let it show.
-- We arrive to the hospital and are put in triage. They confirmed my water had broken. But still not dialated. Behind the curtain next to me, I overhear a sweet young woman just brokenhearted. She's alone. She's having false labor pains. She is talking to her nurse saying she is choosing adoption for her baby. She has no way to support him. She says she loves him, but she knows she just cannot provide for him. She lives on the psych ward in the hospital.
-- I don't believe in coincidences. I ask Tygh to pull the curtain back. I call out, "Hi, roomie." Silence. "Hi, roomie." "You talking to me?" "Yes. I couldn't help but overhear you. I just wanted to say that my husband and I adopted our son 2.5 years ago from a birthmom. I just want to tell you that I think you are amazing." The conversation went on for a little bit from there. She was going through Catholic Charities. She hadn't chosen a family yet. Minutes later, the doctor told her they were taking her back to the psych ward. As she left, I told her I'd be thinking of her. Then, as she left, I started praying silently for her. Her name is Stephanie. I pray for protection over her, that baby boy, and the family she will choose.
-- I arrived at our birthing suite. Our nurse, Brenda, was phenomenal. She swung us a HUGE suite. I settled in, thinking I'd have a baby in the morning. It was about 9 p.m. I watched the Bachelorette (Bentley is a jerk!). I'd already eaten, so wasn't hungry. Tygh settled in. My mom and sister arrived. Still not dialated.
-- By morning, I was in pain. The contractions had started, and I'd asked for pain medication (which I never thought I'd do, aside from the epidural). They started pitocin. A few hours later, when I was around 2-3 cm, I got the epidural. But it never really took on the left side, which, as it would turn out, would be the biggest source of stress and pain of all.
-- I was getting hungry. And thirsty. But I was only allowed ice chips and popsicles. Family and friends flowed freely in the room. Contractions were about every 4-5 minutes. For the most part, I was alert until a contraction came. Then, I just would close my eyes, moan softly, and someone would be rubbing my head, my arm, or my lower back.
-- Around 6 p.m., I was only 5-6 cms dialated. I was in a LOT of pain. I hit a wall. I'd been at the hospital for nearly 24 hours, and I was only halfway dialated. Are you kidding me?! I felt emotionally and physically exhausted, drained, and just.done. I was done. Literally. DONE. I cried to the nurse, "Please, just give me a C-section. I can't do this anymore. I can't even think of pushing or going through this for any longer. Just get her out of me, please," I begged. "Honey, you don't want a C-section." "Yes," I pleaded, "I do." Tears were streaming down my face. I was shaking. "Please, I can't go through this anymore. I'm done."
-- After hearing this, the doctor ordered everyone out of the room. She said she wanted me to have time to rest. I felt like no one was listening to me. They were pushing me to have a vaginal birth. I couldn't feel my legs or my toes from the epidural. I'd been in a bed for over 24 hours, had no food or water, and was having strong contractions every 2-3 minutes. And I was only 5-6 cms dialated? "Dear God," I prayed, "Please help me get through this. I feel defeated. I'm worn down. I don't want this anymore."
-- Then, I fell asleep for 4 hours.
-- When I woke up, the "transition phase" started. That's when you go through the 7-9 cms dialation. It was brutal. I was shaking all over and didn't have control over my body. I was sweating, and yet the room was at a cool 60 degrees. I was throwing up, and yet all I'd had in the last 30 hours were ice chips and 2 popsicles. I felt like I could die. Sienna was still sunnyside up, so the nurse put me in a variety of side positions to try and gravitationally turn Sienna around.
-- Around 11 p.m., the nurse checked me again. I was 9 cms dialated. Thank you, Lord! On the one hand, the end seemed in sight and I was relieved. On the other hand, this definitely meant I was not getting a C-section, which meant I had to keep going. I was not done yet.
-- Sienna was SO low (she'd been low the whole pregnancy), the nurse thought that even though I was at 9 cms, and still had to get to 10, if I pushed, I may just get to 10. So, with a little push, I got to 10. The pain on my left side was excruciating. The epidural had never fully taken on that side, and that's the side that Sienna was on. It felt like someone was digging and twisting a long, sharp knife into my lower back. The anesthesiologist came back in to "top off" the epidural, which only further numbed my right side, but offered little relief to my left. If you've ever been completely numb from the waist down, but completely coherent otherwise, it is the most helpless feeling. You cannot even wiggle your toes, try as you might.
-- Around midnight, the nurse wanted me to start pushing. The doctor was at another delivery (not my doctor, but the on-call doctor). I did about 2-3 sets of pushes, and the nurse could see her head. She called for the doctor. Then, we waited. This was the hardest part. Sienna was almost here, and yet I had to wait. And wait. Because of the epidural, there wasn't really much pain, just a lot of pressure.
-- Tygh is very queasy. When I'd gotten my epidural, even though he didn't see any of it (he was in front of me, holding my hand), he nearly went over. So, I knew he wasn't going to make it through the delivery. But, when he'd heard that I was getting ready to push again, he came in, gave me a kiss, and said, "I love you. You can do it." Then, he returned to the waiting room. My mom, my sister, and the nurse remained.
-- The doctor came in and around 12:30, we started pushing again. I did about another 2-3 more sets of pushes, and she was out! In total, I pushed for about 26 minutes. The doctor said that was one of the fastest first-time deliveries she'd ever seen. After 31 hours of "labor", 26 minutes was like lightning. Thank you, God! She was born at 1:11 am. I went into the hospital on Monday. She was born on Wednesday.
-- I didn't know it at the time, but learned just yesterday a very cool side story. My dear friend, Rhonda, who has walked this adoption journey with me, and has adopted a son of her own, sent me an email. Around midnight/1 p.m. on Tuesday/Wednesday, she said she awoke to the sound of 3 knocks on her door. Or, so she thought. She got up, and went to check on her son. He was fine. Then, God brought me to her mind. Rhonda knew I was in labor, but had last received a blog update around 6 p.m. the night before. She didn't know whether I was still in labor or had delivered. She felt God impressing on her to pray for me. She began praying. By the time she finished, it was 1:30. She didn't know it, but Sienna had been born. (Thank you, Rhonda. I still tear up). (We have a very similar story for when Brae was born -- an acquaintance was awoken in the middle of the night and felt impressed upon to pray for our son, who had yet to be born. She did, and he was born the next morning).
-- I thought for sure I'd want music playing during the delivery. I even had my Ipod playlist all ready. Nope. I wanted none of it. And I didn't want to be touched. I wanted it dark, cool, and silent. No one spoke, except for the doctor to count.
-- I saw Sienna come out and it was surreal. This little person has been growing and moving inside of you for all this time, and she's finally here. I can't describe it. I was overcome with emotion, but too exhausted to express any of it. This little life was transferred to me in cell form, and here she had eyes, ears, a mouth, toes. She was a person. She grew inside of me. I still can't wrap my head around it. My sister started to cry. My mom cut the cord.
-- They placed Sienna on my chest. I felt her warmth. Her little heartbeat. To this day, I'm still amazed.
-- As they took Sienna over to get cleaned up, weighed, and measured, the doctor tried to deliver the placenta. But, it wasn't detaching from the wall. After another 30 minutes of increasing the pitocin and still contracting, the doctor finally had to go in and get it. OUCH. Hurt way more than the delivery of Sienna. (Can I just say the placenta is a remarkable-looking organ? But no, I don't want to keep it or freeze it or plant it.) But, the doctor said because of the quick delivery of Sienna, I barely had any tearing. I had "skid marks". She did a few stiches, but said everything should heal just fine.
-- Tygh came back in and held his daughter for the first time. Family and friends slowly began to come in and greet our baby girl. I was still way too exhausted to show any kind of emotion. All I wanted was a Sprite. My dear father-in-law scoured the hospital, and finally came back with two Sprites. I downed them.
-- A few hours later, I was transferred up to the recovery suite. Family, friends, and Tygh went home. As hard as it was, I asked to have Sienna in the respite room so I could get some sleep. I knew I needed sleep for her, and for me. But, after 3 hours, I couldn't take it. I asked for her back, and we slept together.
-- I came home Thursday evening and was so ready to be home. The hardest part of the recovery was actually regaining sensation in my legs. I'm thankful for the quick delivery because it really has made for an equally quick recovery. I'm really not in pain, and the cramps are only mild. The hardest part has been the pain and frustration associated with nursing. Sienna doesn't have the best latch, and despite several sessions with a lactation specialist, I probably will not be able to provide Sienna everything she needs with nursing. That was hard to accept at first, and I had to wrestle with some guilt, but the girl needs to eat. So, I've been doing some nursing just to help with the bonding, but am mostly pumping and bottle feeding.
-- I know most moms say this, but Sienna really is a dream baby. Last night, she slept 5.5 hours straight. She really doesn't fuss, she loves to be held, and she's just so very sweet.
-- Brae has been remarkable. He was at his grandparents for 2 days while I was in the hospital, and as much as he loves them, I know it was hard and confusing for him. He went to school a couple days last week, and the teachers said he wasn't eating or sleeping well, and seemed teary-eyed. ; (
-- Tygh and I have made special attempts to spend time with just him alone. We had a good weekend. Brae hasn't shown any sings of aggression toward Sienna. He's actually been a good helper (bringing me a bottle for her, turning on her vibrating chair, wanting to make sure she has a slice of pizza too, etc.). But he definitely has shown jealous tendencies -- wanting to be held when we're holding her, demanding more of our attention, etc. This morning, when I dropped him off at school, he threw a tantrum and didn't want me to leave. Broke my heart. I know he's going through just as much of a transition as the rest of us. I don't want him to feel replaced. He's not. He will always be the child that made us parents. He will always be the child that filled such a longing in us.
-- So, such has begun my summertime maternity leave. And it's raining oustide. But inside, next to me, in her little butterfly vibrating chair, pursing her rosebud lips, lays my daughter. My "promise from God." My Sienna.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Sienna Pamela Leigh -- she's here!
Born Wed, June 8, 1:11 am. 6 lbs 15 oz. 21 inches.
Exhausted, but in love. Will write more later!
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
10 years and 31 hours later
Sienna arrived last night around 1:30 am. Mom, dad and baby are doing great :) No c-section was needed.
I'll let Britney take it from here to give you the full story once she's rested and back home.
I love you Sienna and can't wait to meet you!!
- Aunt Kiki
I'll let Britney take it from here to give you the full story once she's rested and back home.
I love you Sienna and can't wait to meet you!!
- Aunt Kiki
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Noon
Britney is awake from a nap. She's at 3cm dilated, 80% effaced and 0 position. Contractions are 3-5 minutes apart.
Sienna is taking her sweet time and enjoying this experience.
Sienna is taking her sweet time and enjoying this experience.
11:00 AM
Update from Tygh:
Things are moving slowly. She's at 2cm dilated. Epidural and pitocin were administered about 2 hours ago. Doctor says things wont get going until later this evening.
Kelly's 2 cents:
Dr. also said that she wasn't progressing yesterday.... just a few hours before her water broke.
Come on SIENNA!!!
Things are moving slowly. She's at 2cm dilated. Epidural and pitocin were administered about 2 hours ago. Doctor says things wont get going until later this evening.
Kelly's 2 cents:
Dr. also said that she wasn't progressing yesterday.... just a few hours before her water broke.
Come on SIENNA!!!
Morning Update
Britney made it through the night: No baby yet
She is dilated 1 cm. On drugs for pain. Still feels contractions but at least they are bearable now. She can't get the epidural until 3-4 cm.
She says, "This hurts a lot more than I anticipated. Tygh is sleeping in the room. I haven't slept but have rested and had a cherry Popsicle."
Stay tuned!!
- Kelly
She is dilated 1 cm. On drugs for pain. Still feels contractions but at least they are bearable now. She can't get the epidural until 3-4 cm.
She says, "This hurts a lot more than I anticipated. Tygh is sleeping in the room. I haven't slept but have rested and had a cherry Popsicle."
Stay tuned!!
- Kelly
Monday, June 6, 2011
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIENNA!!
(This is Kelly, Britney's sister-in-law)....
5% of women actually go into labor ON their due date. Britney has always been an over-achiever.
Yes, Tygh and Britney are at the hospital RIGHT NOW!! Her water broke during dinner right around 6:30 this evening. They loaded up and headed straight to the hospital. Sienna will be making her grand entrance within 24 hours!!! Please be praying for a safe and healthy delivery for both Britney and Sienna. Also, please be praying for my brother. As Britney has shared, he has a weak stomach and easily passes out when it comes to... well, you know... blood and guts...
Tygh and Britney have also requested prayer for a young woman named Stephanie. She was next to them tonight in the hospital. Here is the text from my brother:
"The girl next to us is by herself, in labor, and is considering adoption. No boyfriend, parents are not supportive. Pray for her."
Turns out it was false labor and she was sent home. But please keep her in your prayers.
Thanks everyone!!
5% of women actually go into labor ON their due date. Britney has always been an over-achiever.
Yes, Tygh and Britney are at the hospital RIGHT NOW!! Her water broke during dinner right around 6:30 this evening. They loaded up and headed straight to the hospital. Sienna will be making her grand entrance within 24 hours!!! Please be praying for a safe and healthy delivery for both Britney and Sienna. Also, please be praying for my brother. As Britney has shared, he has a weak stomach and easily passes out when it comes to... well, you know... blood and guts...
Tygh and Britney have also requested prayer for a young woman named Stephanie. She was next to them tonight in the hospital. Here is the text from my brother:
"The girl next to us is by herself, in labor, and is considering adoption. No boyfriend, parents are not supportive. Pray for her."
Turns out it was false labor and she was sent home. But please keep her in your prayers.
Thanks everyone!!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
39 Weeks, 2 Days: Groundhog Day
Have you ever seen that movie Groundhog Day with Bill Murray? You know, the one where he wakes up and every day is the same? No matter what he does, he can't escape Groundhog Day?
That is kind of like how my ob appointments have become. No change.
I had my 39 week appointment today. No change. I've been at the same station, effacement, dialation (lack thereof) for about a month now. I've even regressed and am back to a "fingertip" dialated. My doctor even asked me if I've ever had anything done to my cervix, like had it frozen. (Excuse me?)
But, we have a plan. We are going to escape Groundhog Day. Monday is my due date. If I'm still in Groundhog Day, he'll induce on the 13th. If I've moved a little (dialated), he'll induce on the 8th.
Either way, Sienna is going to be here by at least the 14th! (Which is my mom's birthday, and Flag Day! It would be neat to have Brae and Sienna each be born on a holiday!)
That is kind of like how my ob appointments have become. No change.
I had my 39 week appointment today. No change. I've been at the same station, effacement, dialation (lack thereof) for about a month now. I've even regressed and am back to a "fingertip" dialated. My doctor even asked me if I've ever had anything done to my cervix, like had it frozen. (Excuse me?)
But, we have a plan. We are going to escape Groundhog Day. Monday is my due date. If I'm still in Groundhog Day, he'll induce on the 13th. If I've moved a little (dialated), he'll induce on the 8th.
Either way, Sienna is going to be here by at least the 14th! (Which is my mom's birthday, and Flag Day! It would be neat to have Brae and Sienna each be born on a holiday!)
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
False alarm.
I had a false alarm on Friday.
I was having lots of painful cramping and contractions, and they seemed to all be running together. I also got a little paranoid that I didn't think I was feeling her move that much.
I called the on-call doctor, and he told me to go in to get monitored.
I did and everything is just fine. I'm having lots of "uterine irritability", followed by some Braxton-Hicks contractions, but not labor. (BOO!)
The really frustrating part was the on-call doctor's evaluation of me. For the last several weeks, my doctor has said I was at station -1, 80% effaced, and apparently 1 cm dialated. This doctor said I am at station -4, not at all effaced, and not at all dialated.
Sienna is never coming.
; )p
I was having lots of painful cramping and contractions, and they seemed to all be running together. I also got a little paranoid that I didn't think I was feeling her move that much.
I called the on-call doctor, and he told me to go in to get monitored.
I did and everything is just fine. I'm having lots of "uterine irritability", followed by some Braxton-Hicks contractions, but not labor. (BOO!)
The really frustrating part was the on-call doctor's evaluation of me. For the last several weeks, my doctor has said I was at station -1, 80% effaced, and apparently 1 cm dialated. This doctor said I am at station -4, not at all effaced, and not at all dialated.
Sienna is never coming.
; )p
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
38 Weeks: Just Chillin' and Observations of a 2-year-old
I'm officially term. Sienna doesn't care.She's waited forever to be born, and I've waited forever for her to be here. Sienna doesn't care.
She "dropped" about a month ago, making my bladder the size of a teaspoon, which causes me to walk around like there's a bowling ball between my legs. Sienna doesn't care.
I'm still at station -1, still 80% effaced, and still not dialated. (Well, I "may" be a "fingertip" dialated, says the dr. But I think he just offered that up half-heartedly to appease the look on my face). Sienna doesn't care.
I know, I know. First pregnancies usually go late. There should be no reason to think she'd come early. Get over it, Britney. Besides, she's a lot easier to take care of in there than outside of here (although I'd be bored out of my mind in there). She's clearly enjoying herself, so let her be. Stop with the Britney pity party.
Moving on... observations of a 2-year-old:
1) Can we address this basketball obsession for a moment? It's been going on for over a year now. The boy plays basketball every.single.night. He watches basketball on TV, live pick up games, and even high school basketball games. Whenever he sees a basketball hoop, like on walks or driving, he shouts: "Mommy! Yo quiero dunk it!" (Mom, I want to dunk it!) He goes to "sports camp" each Saturday, where he is supposed to learn/play a new sport each week. You guessed it. Every Saturday, without fail, he's the only kid not playing the other sports, but in the corner, by himself, shooting hoops. I think we have a phenom on our hands. Or, at least, as my husband says, he has the passion. And hey, isn't that all you really need?
2) Boys break things. A lot. Latest casualties are door handles and blinds. Note to self: next house will not have doors or window coverings. I'm looking forward to tea parties.
3) Brae officially knows more Spanish than I do (and I know quite a bit). Since he was 13 weeks old, he has spent 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, communicating in Spanish at his little community immersion daycare/school. I'm not good at math, but that is a LOT of exposure to Spanish. Recently, he's been rambling a lot, and I sometimes can't understand him. I figured it was 2-year-old jibberish. Apparently not, apparently it's 2-year-old jibberish, but in Spanish. At school yesterday when we picked him up, the teachers were chuckling that Brae refers to one of the instructors as a "lechuza." I was puzzled. I didn't know that word. As the teachers were rummaging through books to try and find a picture to explain it to me, Brae comes up and says, "Mommy, la lechuza is owl." Tygh and I stared at each other, stunned.
4) Brae is bossy. I've noticed it for a while, so I decided to ask his teachers about it. They nodded. He's "el jefe" (the chief). But they just shrugged and said that he's the natural born leader of the group. Thanks, ladies, for putting a positive spin on it.
5) We've entered the land of make-believe. I'm now finding myself standing behind the bathroom door, giggling, as he takes a bath just listening to him talk to (re-phrase: order around) Mr. Potato Head. Warms my heart.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Email from the birthmom.
Last week, my sister in law inspired me to send an email to Brae's birthmom. I wanted to thank her for the incredible gift she gave us in our son. Now 38 weeks pregnant myself, for the first time, I feel I can relate to her on a whole new level -- what it must be like to carry a child for 9-10 months and then relinquish it in love to another family. It astounds me.
So, I decided to email her a note of thanks. Keep in mind, I did not expect a reply. Although I've regularly sent her emails with pictures and updates of our son, she rarely responds. In fact, despite sending numerous emails over the last 7 months, I have never once heard back from her. I don't fault her for this at all, or pass any judgment on it. Again, I cannot imagine what it is like to feel a child move inside of you, and then allow another family to forever hold that child and call it their own. I trust that her way of "moving on" is best for her.
My email was simple. A thank you for giving us the gift of parenthood. To my absolute and complete shock, she responded. This is what she said:
"I like to think God gave me this situation to show me I'm strong enough to do anything. Brae was made in me to be born to you.
When I met you and Tygh, I felt such a peace in my soul knowing you were the parents of Brae. I've never second guessed that decision, even with the difficulty of paperwork, and visits, and judgments from family and friends. I knew a peace that can only come from Jesus Christ.
Thank you for being the parents I trusted you to be. I love you both with a deep love that I can't explain as we are perfect strangers drawn together by the strength and love of Jesus.
You are a beautiful, loving mother, and I can't tell you the joy I feel knowing you are finally experiencing everything you always dreamed of. I look forward to seeing everyone this fall."
Wow. I am blessed beyond measure.
So, I decided to email her a note of thanks. Keep in mind, I did not expect a reply. Although I've regularly sent her emails with pictures and updates of our son, she rarely responds. In fact, despite sending numerous emails over the last 7 months, I have never once heard back from her. I don't fault her for this at all, or pass any judgment on it. Again, I cannot imagine what it is like to feel a child move inside of you, and then allow another family to forever hold that child and call it their own. I trust that her way of "moving on" is best for her.
My email was simple. A thank you for giving us the gift of parenthood. To my absolute and complete shock, she responded. This is what she said:
"I like to think God gave me this situation to show me I'm strong enough to do anything. Brae was made in me to be born to you.
When I met you and Tygh, I felt such a peace in my soul knowing you were the parents of Brae. I've never second guessed that decision, even with the difficulty of paperwork, and visits, and judgments from family and friends. I knew a peace that can only come from Jesus Christ.
Thank you for being the parents I trusted you to be. I love you both with a deep love that I can't explain as we are perfect strangers drawn together by the strength and love of Jesus.
You are a beautiful, loving mother, and I can't tell you the joy I feel knowing you are finally experiencing everything you always dreamed of. I look forward to seeing everyone this fall."
Wow. I am blessed beyond measure.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
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