A boy turns 3.

 Dear Son,

Today, you turn 3 years old.  I well up with tears just thinking at the immense joy you have brought us these last 3 years.  By your birth, you filled in us a longing that ached so profoundly.  You filled our arms. You made us parents. 

Son, you were chosen before the dawn of humanity to be ours.  We believe God destined you to be ours from the very beginning.  And His perfect plan was that you would be placed in another woman's belly, but would be called ours. 

I still remember the chills that ran up and down my spine when your birthmom asked us what name we had picked for a girl.  We said Hanna.  Her reply? That is her last name.  And then the second set of chills when she asked us what name we had picked for a boy.  We said Brae.  Her reply?  Her middle name is Rae. 

You were meant for us.  

I am so thankful to your birthmom and can never repay her for the gift she gave us: you. She took care of you from inception until birth and then out of an incredible act of love, handed you to us.

Son, Mommy and Daddy were there at your birth.  We held your birthmom's hand as she pushed you out.  Mommy cut your cord.  We kissed you in all your nakie glory, weeping. 

One day, I know you will understand what all of this "adoption stuff" is, and that you will likely have a lot of questions.  We will be ready and willing to answer all of them.

Giving birth doesn't define what it means to be a parent.  Genetics doesn't define what it means to be a parent. 

Son, as you read this one day, know that we loved you before we even knew who you were.  You may have been placed in someone else's belly, but you grew in our hearts until we could hold you in our arms.

You can never lose our love.

In honor of the gift your birthmom gave to us, and in honor of your special day, we dedicate to you "Your Own" by Nate Huss.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2h11lSJNDLc&noredirect=1 

Happy birthday, baby boy.
-- Mommy and Daddy 

Brae-isms

1) He is now into identifying the shapes of his bowel movements.  Last night's was a triangle.

2) He likes to take a.l.l. of the books off his bookshelves (at least 100) and stay up into the wee hours of the night neatly putting them one next to the other on the floor, all around his room.  When I walked in this morning to find his floor covered with neatly separated books, I asked him what he was doing.  He declared proudly, "I made a choo-choo train!  All the people are in the choo-choo train! All aboard!"

3) Along the same lines, the boy takes e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g to bed with him.  We're talking books, balls, puzzles, shoes, socks, underwear, everything.  He barely has a place on the bed to lay his head.

4) He believes in monsters.  I'm not sure where he picked that up, but he believes in monsters.  After successfully convincing him that Daddy had put all the monsters in the garage, and buying 3 nightlights, he is back to sleeping through the night.  Granted, it's broad as day in there, but at least he's sleeping. 

5) He's inherited his Mommy's penchant for cleanliness.  The other day, I walked in his room to find him washing his walls. 

6) He believes anything that is broken can be fixed by adding batteries.  Yesterday, he was having trouble putting the tupperware lid back on the cookie dish (the lid is bent).  He declared, "Mommy! I need some batteries. The lid is broken."

And on Halloween, my precious boy turns 3 years old.  What oh what will come out of his mouth this next year?

Gluten and Infertility

TOP FIVE REASONS Why I Think Everyone (especially those with a history of infertility) Should Try A Gluten-Free Diet....

[Background: I went Gluten-Free (GF) for 4 months before our transfer, and through the first trimester.  After recently being diagnosed with Hashimoto's, and having tested positive for a gluten sensitivity, and also likely actually having Celiac disease (it can only be officially diagnosed with an intestinal probe), I have been GF again for over 3 weeks]

5.  It's not that hard.
       I promise.  Last year, yes, it was very hard.  I think that was in part due to the fact I really did not want   to do it.  Due in part because it was a complete and total lifestyle change for me.  Due in part because the market did not have nearly as much to offer in the way of alternatives as it does now.  There are SO many options out there today vs. last year.  Every single meal that I want to make, I can.  I just have to find substitutes.  And I've never not been able to. Case in point...


4.  There is actually GF bread that tastes good!
      My personal favorite is a brand called "Udi's".  But I've tried a couple of others and they are good as well.  Yes, you have to keep the bread in the fridge, and yes, you have to put it in the toaster before you eat.  But it does taste really good.  Has completely satisfied my craving for bread, which was my biggest concern.


3.  It does not take that long to see or feel results.
     Last year, I was such a skeptic about the benefits of going GF.  I was also on a ton of hormones getting my body ready for the transfer, so who knows if I would have noticed any outward benefits, anyway.  This time around, I've noticed some very perceptible changes, and just in a matter of weeks.  I have not once felt bloated or heavy.  I feel very light and have a lot of energy.  Also, and this is a big one for me, my menstrual cramps have been extremely mild.  In fact, barely noticeable at all.  (This is not surprising since gluten is associated with tissue inflammation).  That alone is worth going GF, for me!

2.  The correlation between gluten and IF is r.e.a.l.
    The research into how gluten affects IF is growing, and is real.  Even among people who have no otherwise outward symptom of a gluten sensitivity (like me).  If you are interested in knowing more than you ever thought you could, I will gladly send you the research and clinical information my endocrinologist sent me. 

1.  It is just healthier.  Period. 
    Gluten, and its derivatives, are in most processed foods.  By eating more organic, and less processed foods, you are just generally healthier.  And, if we are to be good stewards of this body God has given us, it is our responsibility to take care of what we put into it.  No, gluten is not the "answer" to pregnancy, and you cannot go GF with the mind that it will get you pregnant.  You will only be disappointed.  As a believer, you know that only God (and God only) is the giver (and taker) of life.  But, why wouldn't we do our part and at least make a welcoming home in which to receive that gift?

Sienna's 4 month visit.

Stats:

-- 80th percentile for head.
-- 85th percentile for weight (girl is almost 16 lbs!) (She's already in size 9 month Carter clothes)
-- 95th percentile for height! Yowza.

I'm definitely the shorty in this family.

Dr. said she's got incredible muscle tone and strength. (I'm sure she has incredible core muscles after all the crying she did the first 3 months of life.... )

I didn't get a scolding for taking her to a chiropractor. Phew.

Her neck has improved SO much.

Her eyes are still a hypnotic blue. Dr. says they will probably stay that way. (We're in trouble).

Girl has eczema. We got a prescription.

Her "flat spot" on her head is "mild".

And... drumroll... Dr. commented what a "happy" girl she is.

SOOOO nice to hear that vs. what I'd been hearing from strangers the first 3 months of her life.

Second visit with birthmother.

This last weekend, we had our second visit with Brae's birthmom. Our first visit was last year.

In preparation for this visit, I'd been telling Brae tidbits about his birth story. Just little age-appropriate nuggets. Like, "Brae, did you know that when you were a baby, you lived in Rachael's belly? And she loved you SOOO much that she gave you as a gift to Mommy and Daddy."

His interpretation of that? .... hold on to your seat pants.... "Rachael had a tummy ache, and she gave it to Mommy and Daddy." Love that boy.
*****************************************

The visit could not have gone any better. We met at a kids' play gym near Rachael's hometown, which is about 2 hours from us. Rachael brought her daughter, who is Brae's biological half-sister. She is six years old. And she is not only the spitting physical image of a female Brae, she is the spitting personality image (they even whine the same). Same facial expressions, same mannerisms, same gait.

We've never seen Brae interact or play with anyone the way he did Madison. They were thick as thieves from Minute One. Imagine playing with someone who is SO much like you. The same things made them giggle. The same things made them laugh out loud. The same things made them upset. Brae literally could not get enough of her. It was truly an incredible gift to watch.

We also learned some similarities, and perhaps got to look in the Crystal Ball...:

1) Madison LOVES basketball. Go figure.
2) Madison is good at math, not that interested in reading.
3) Madison is VERY outgoing and sociable. She is a natural born leader.
... and?

4) Madison was not potty-trained until she was between 3-4 years old. Rachael said she was just so bull headed she refused to use the toilet. (Gee... this sounds familiar...)

Thank you, Jesus, for letting me hear that!

All in all, it was a fantastic visit. Rachael is doing amazing and it was such a treat to see both of them. And, proof positive that God blessed us doubly with her? ...

Rachael: "People sometimes ask me how I had the strength to choose adoption. I just keep telling them that he wasn't mine to begin with."

Tears.

Endocronologist, sibling jealousy, and saying goodbye

-- I saw the endocrinologist today. And I finally feel like I have a grasp on the root cause of our infertility. It is most likely linked to my Hashimoto's disease, and its early onset. The doctor also suggested that I have asymptomatic Celiac disease. I'm asymptomatic except for one thing -- infertility. Infertility is a symptom of Celiac disease. Celiac would also explain my gluten sensitivity, as proven by my blood test. The doctor recommended I see a gastrointerologist (sp?) to confirm Celiac through a probe. That may be something I do one day, but I've been gluten free (again) for over a week. I'm not quite sure why I'm doing it, other than to just generally be healthy. (Sure, it would be awesome to experience a spontaneous pregnancy, but I can't be doing it for that reason). Hashimoto's and Celiac tend to go hand in hand because they are both autoimmune diseases. Going gluten free this time around has been a lot easier than last year -- there are just so many more choices nowadays. I'll keep it up until I feel like no longer keeping it up. That simple. And, at that time I may see a gastro doctor to confirm whether or not I do have Celiac. But I'm not sure what good that will do me other than to simply have a diagnosis. If I'm asymptomatic (other than IF), then it would be really hard to be motivated to stay gluten free. Scarily, the odds of miscarriage are TWICE the normal population if I do in fact have Celiac and eat gluten. On a side note, I learned Hashi's has a genetic predisposition component. My grandmother had a goiter when she was younger. That most likely means she also has Hashi's. I told her to get tested. She's almost 90. Probably not too excited to learn she has an autoimmune disease at this age. Oh well.

-- Terrible two's is a misnomer. It's the terrible three's. Or the terrible almost-three's. Brae has been pushing every button in my system lately. Repeatedly. Bedtimes are the worst. Last night he didn't fall asleep until 10 (despite being put in his room at 8), woke up screaming at 1, and again at 5. When I brought him in bed with me at 5 (after Tygh had gone to work), he kicked me for nearly an hour, screaming that he wanted to go downstairs and watch Mickey Mouse. I just ignored the behavior (my new tactic). Eventually, he gave up and fell asleep. Then I very, very slowly crawled out of bed and woke him up 90 min later. That's just one example. I have a whole list (including him trying to flush an entire roll of toilet paper -- cardboard included -- down the toilet). After much wringing of hands, Tygh and I think we've stumbled on the answer -- Sienna. His precious little sister has thrown his world upside down. For his whole life, he's been the center of attention. First grandchild on THREE sides. Now, there's this new person living in his house, taking away attention from him. And he has no control over it. Sure, you may be thinking, you are idiot parents if you didn't recognize this. But we honestly didn't. He has never shown any signs of aggression or jealousy TOWARD Sienna (hasn't tried to "off" her), so we just figured he was acclimating fine. I think we've been dead wrong. This revelation has actually really helped things because we have a new sensitivity toward him. I just have to keep remembering this the next time he's throwing a shoe at me.

-- I'm finally ready to write about something that happened nearly 6 weeks ago. You may recall that we adopted two sets of embryos. The first set resulted in our beautiful daughter. Because of her, we never tried the second set. Well, after a lot of painful and hard conversations, we returned those precious embryos to their donors. It was a very hard decision and, if I'm honest, not one I was totally on board with. I'm not sure I'm still totally on board with it. You see, I want a third child. At least, I think I do, most days. Tygh is really only ready for a third child if it happened spontaneously. When you have to go through so much of an effort to have a child, it really makes it much less appealing. I get that. But, I have a larger picture. I think 10, 20, 30 years down the road and what I want my family to look like. I want 3 kids. God knows this. I believe this is a God-given desire and, true to His character, He will fulfill it or take it away. In any case, it was the right thing to do to return those embryos. With Tygh and I not being on the same page, it was best to return those embryos so they may be adopted by the family they are meant to be with. The right thing to do is usually the hardest.

A diagnosis after nearly two decades.

I have Hashimoto's disease.

At age 13, I went in for a routine physical. The doctor noticed a large bump in my throat. He said it was cancer. (I think he was a med student). For many months, I saw an endocrinologist. I eventually learned I had a problem with my thyroid and have been on medication ever since. I never really knew how important it was, so I was not always great about taking it. When I didn't take it, I noticed I'd get extremely fatigued, so that's when I'd remember to take it.

But I was never diagnosed with the cause of my thyroid dysfunction. Your thyroid doesn't just stop working for no reason. Especially at 13.

Today, I got the results back from a blood panel that confirms I have Hashimoto's. (That's right, I was never officially diagnosed until today. And that is probably because it may not matter why you have hypothyroidism, the treatment would be the same). Except, if you have ever experienced infertility, then knowing you have Hashimoto's means a lot.

In a nutshell, Hashimoto's is an autoimmune disorder that leads to hypothyroidism. An autoimmune disease occurs when your own immune system attacks your organs, cells, tissues, or glands. In Hashimoto's, it targets and destroys the functioning of the thyroid gland.

Why is this particularly important to me? Well, although my thyroid has been "controlled" for a long time with medication, for many years it was not controlled or not well controlled. It has very likely led to an effect on my egg quality, and hence, our inability to conceive or maintain a pregnancy. Especially because it was diagnosed (and who knows for how long had been previously untreated) right at the time I started menstruating as a pre-teen.

Another interesting insight about Hashimoto's? It also explains my sensitivity to gluten. I did go gluten-free for 4 months before we got pregnant, and until the second trimester.

To not be doom and gloom, many many people with Hashimoto's successfully conceive and carry a pregnancy to term. But, it is at least helpful and interesting to know that it is probably the biggest reason why we have had so much difficulty.

AND? God is SOOOOOOO much bigger than this. This diagnosis today was not at all a surprise to Him. He's known it all along. And, He got us pregnant.

Whenever I start to think about how big my problems are, I just remember how BIG my God is!!!!!! There is nothing He cannot overcome.

"Who is like you among the gods, O Lord, glorious in holiness, awesome in splendor, performing great wonders? -- Exodus 15:11

Third birthfamily visit

Last weekend, we had our third visit with Brae's birth father's side of the family. We met at a local amusement park that Brae hadn't yet been to. It was nice to see them all show up to see Brae. All except for one. Unfortunately, Brae's birth father didn't make it. Apparently there were some internal family dynamics that caused him to decide not to come. But he did give Brae a birthday gift (a huge stuffed teddy bear that says "I love you"), and he wrote him a card.

By far the biggest hit was the Ford F-150 truck they brought for him. Although Brae was a little hesitant at first, he quickly caught on and was zooming all around the parking lot. He's definitely the envy of the neighborhood (adults included).

Here's a video of him riding it for the first time: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vx7oPXTQBxQ

At the end of the visit, Brae's biological great grandmother asked if we could do this again next year. I said, "Of course. We've always said that we will continue these visits so long as it is in Brae's best interest. Right now, because he doesn't know what is going on, these visits are mostly to create memories, take pictures, and for you. But we feel it's important that Brae know his roots and have a connection to his biological family. But, if he ever decides he doesn't want to come to a visit, we won't come."

They appeared to understand. I have a feeling the presents will only get more extravagant as the years go on. What kid doesn't want to go somewhere and get presents? ; )

In all sincerity, these visits are important to us, for Brae. We have a semi-open adoption and although we have no piece of paper that says we have to do these visits, we love our son tremendously, and don't ever want him to feel that he was abandoned. He was not. He has a biological family (on both sides) that love him SO much and are grateful for the adoption decision that was made. And if these visits help him see that love, then they are important to us. We don't expect everyone to understand this (especially if you have not adopted), but as Brae's parents, we believe strongly we know what is best for him, and for now, these visits are good for him.

In other news...

-- This story cracks me up every time I tell it. I picked Brae up from school the other day and we passed by the "time-out" chair, a little chair in the corner of the room all by itself. As Brae and I walked out, Brae points to the chair and yells, "Look, Mommy! That's Brae's chair!"

-- Sienna started 'school' too. S he's at the same Spanish immersion school Brae is at. It's taking some time for her to adjust. But, on the bright side, I've found an alternative to Babywise's method of getting your child to sleep through the night -- take her to a new school where she stays awake all day.

A year ago today and the Top Ten Things I'll miss most about maternity leave

A year ago today, baby Sienna was transferred in my womb. She was five days gestation. She was also transferred with her other sibling, who was released straight into Jesus's arms.

A year ago today, I saw a picture of Sienna as an embryo. (She's a lot cuter now).

A year ago today, I saw life on a photograph, and life was growing inside of me.

A year ago today, my dreams of experiencing pregnancy were fulfilled. The words God spoke to me a year prior were being completed. He had given me a "promise of God;" He had given me my Sienna.

Thank you, Lord, for doing a great work in me. I'm so very blessed and thankful.

....

What I will miss most about maternity leave (a Top Ten list):

#10: Not showering for two, three (okay, maybe four) days in a row

#9: Wearing the same clothes for a week

#8: Going to the grocery store on Mondays and hanging out with all the old people

#7: Dr. Phil

#6: The morning and afternoon stroller walks taking Brae to school ... ten miles each way, up hills both ways, with holes in my shoes, in ten feet of snow ... oh, wait

#5: Cleaning house, wiping Sienna's mouth, doing laundry, wiping Sienna's mouth, making dinner, wiping Sienna's mouth ...

#4: Mid-morning naps, afternoon naps, late afternoon naps ... (Sienna's, unfortunately, not mine)

#3: Organizing the pantry... alphabetically

#2: Finding random people on facebook, stalking their lives, but never befriending them

.... and the #1 thing I will miss most about maternity leave...

#1: Being able to pick up my daughter, hold her, hug her, and kiss her whenever I wanted to.

I'll miss you so much, baby girl. Work is a necessary evil.

Udders, Breast pumps, and can I get an AMEN?!

Britney update:

I go back to work on Monday. I think I'm feeling okay about that. It's been a good, long maternity leave and I feel ready to turn the next page and see what's in store. It will be hard, and I'm sure I'll be calling the school every day for the first week to see how she's doing. Sigh.
Sienna update:

We've had two chiro visits and another PT visit this afternoon. I think I see improvement, but I'm not sure how much is attributed to all the work we've been doing vs. her just getting bigger/stronger.

Brae stories:

-- Brae and I were reading a book the other night when we came across a picture of a cow. He pointed at it and said, "Uh-oh, Mommy!" "What?" I asked. "The cow is pooping," he said. "What? No, it's not. Why do you think it's pooping?" I inquired. "Look, Mommy, it's pooping," he said again, this time pointing at the cow's udders.

-- Three days ago, Tygh walked in to the living room to find Brae crouched in a corner, his back turned. Tygh heard a strange "woosh-woosh" sound coming from where Brae was. "Brae? What are you doing?" Tygh asked. Brae turned his head to face his dad and had a smile on his face. Tygh got closer to see what Brae was doing. .... He was using my breast pump (and correctly, I might add).

--Tygh's grandmother died a few weeks ago. Her memorial service was this last weekend. Brae attended the service, sitting on Tygh's lap. There were probably a hundred people in the auditorium. And each time someone finished speaking, the room would be quiet. Still. Solemn. Silent prayers being offered by all in attendance. And then, without fail, piercing the silence, you'd hear a little voice shout, "AMEN!" That would be Brae.

-- The memorial service was held at church. Yes, Brae knows that Jesus and God are at church. But he also knows that there is basketball at church. After the service, when everyone was milling around, Brae wanted to play basketball. And he wanted someone to play with. So, he went up to an unassuming soul, his uncle's father (great uncle), looked up at him and asked, "Will you play basketball with me?" What is so cute about this? ... His great uncle is blind.

Sienna's first visit to a chiropractor. And... identity theft.

Sienna had her first visit to the chiropractor. I found one who specializes in infants. Let me just put this out there -- I am EXTREMELY skeptical of chiropractors, naturopaths, and basically all forms of alternative medicine. I come from a very traditional medical background (and my mom is a Physician's Assistant), so anything alternative is very scary to me.

That said, I'm willing to try most anything to help my kids. I am their advocates, after all. So, after much personal debate, I decided to go see a chiro about Sienna's torticollis.

And? It was actually a really good visit. I remained skeptical even as I stepped through the door of the office (which was in an old historic house, and incense was emanating out the windows -- neither of which helped my stereotypes). Then, when the doctor came down, a handsome guy with long hair (again, not helping the stereotypes), and asked me to call him by his first name, I looked to the door to see if I could still escape.

But, after about 30 minutes of chatting with him, I started to ease up. He convinced me that he would not harm my daughter. The treatment would consist mostly of massaging her muscle. He "examined" her and said her case is "moderate" and that he can feel she has a lot of little knots in her neck. Thankfully, she does not have any hip displacement.

We discussed openly the standoff between traditional medicine and chiropractors, and it helped me to be honest with him that I was very skeptical of his profession.

In the end, he recommended twice a week treatments for a few weeks and said we should see improvement. If not, he'd change the course of treatment. In very layman's terms, it seems that my PT focuses on stretching the muscle, and the chiro focuses on massaging it. (And Sienna LOVED to be massaged).

I know that only God can heal my baby girl. But, I believe with everything in me that God uses doctors of all kinds to heal. And it is my great prayer that God uses traditional and non-traditional medicine to get Sienna stronger.

IN OTHER NEWS: For the second time in my life, I've been a victim of ID theft. Thankfully (praise God!), I actually noticed it before anything happened. My bank sent me an email alert saying a new account had been added to transfer money to. Ummm... I didn't do that. So, after talking with the bank for a few hours, we figured out who the guy is ,what his account is, and that he lives in the Bronx. I plan to file a claim against him this week. He had set a new account up to transfer $750 to the next day. Thankfully, we thwarted his evil deeds.

I'm not sure exactly how he got my account number or was able to hack into it, but I suspect I didn't have the strongest or most difficult to figure out passwords. So, that has all been changed. I have to think that all of the online shopping that Tygh and I do doesn't help either. So, I also added a 90-day security alert to my credit. The next step would be to close all of our accounts and start over. That sounds like a lot of work, so I'm just monitoring our accounts, and if there is any unauthorized activity, our bank will cover it.

Sigh. Can we just get to heaven already? (PS-- If you have not read "Heaven is For Real" by Todd Burpo -- you must go out and buy it today and read it. Best book (aside from Bible) I've ever read).

A God Thing.

I was just going through some old baby pictures of Brae and couldn't help but notice the resemblance with Sienna.... has to be a God thing. What do you think?

Poison Control, Playmates, and Physical Therapy

Britney Update:

-- I got my first postpartum period. It was a little surprising because I am still nursing (albeit not exclusively). What was perhaps more surprising were those same old familiar "infertility" feelings that also came along. Once you've experienced infertility, it never leaves you.

Brae Update:

-- We had to call Poison Control on my son. Over vacation, Brae decided to get into his grandpa's thyroid medication. We found an empty bottle. When we asked him where they went, he said he put them "down a hole." He then took our hands and led us to a small hole in the windowsill. We were able to recover a few of them, but weren't convinced he didn't take any. So, after calling our pediatrician, I made my first call to Poison Control. "Not toxic," they said. "But, watch him over the next few days. He may be hyperactive and sweaty." (Is that any different than normal? I thought). Sure enough, about two days later, Brae was waking up in the middle of the night in sweats. He wouldn't settle down. He definitely, somehow, ingested some of that medication. Thankfully, he's better now.

-- Also on vacation, Brae broke out in a rash from head to toe. Brae was not sleeping at night (see bullet above), so my lovely sis-in-law and ma-in-law took Brae to the pool one afternoon so I could try to sleep. As any good caretaker would, they put some sunscreen on him. However, Brae has EXTREMELY sensitive skin, and I've only found one sunscreen that he doesn't react to. Sure enough, Brae reacted to this new sunscreen by breaking out in a head-to-toe rash. His little cheeks swelled up and it looked like he had two bright red apples on each cheek. Again, thankfully, he's better now.

-- I took Brae to the park the other day. It was very hot, and he was the only kid on the playground. He played for about 15 minutes before two older boys (around age 10) arrived. The boys bypassed Brae to play on "older kid" equipment. No eye contact from either Brae or the boys. Not a word spoken amongst them. For another 10 minutes, Brae played on the opposite end of the playground, by himself, and the older boys played on the other end, near the park exit, by themselves. About 5 minutes later, Brae and I decided it was too hot and it was time to go home. Brae strolled up to his bike (with training wheels), hopped on, and started riding toward the park exit. The older boys were still playing by themselves, completely oblivious to Brae. Right before Brae turned the corner to leave the park on his bike, he looked up at the boys, smiled and yelled, "Bye, friends!", and pedaled away.

Sienna Update:

-- Sienna loves her big brother. She smiles whenever she sees him coming. And then she braces for impact.

-- We've gone to two physical therapy appointments, and I've cried at each one. It's so hard to see her wince and cry during the sessions. That said, I believe there has been improvement. She's lifting her head up and turning it when she's on her tummy, and her range of motion has increased. But she's still got a ways to go. The PT recommended trying the Bumbo to help increase her neck muscles. However, she advised against EVER using the exercauser, jumparoo, or walker with Sienna because it could delay physical development (sucks because I have 3 brand new ones). Instead, if we need a "babysitter" (her word), we should use a high chair, blanket on the floor, or playpen.

.... I've been feeling lately that my daughter is misunderstood. Yes, the first 6-8 weeks were hard. She was definitely fussy (PT thinks it was reflux, but no meds will be prescribed because she "obviously" does not have a weight problem -- (was that a jab at me?)). But things have gotten better. She's on a schedule that works for her, and as long as we stick to it, she's a very happy, pleasant child. No, she doesn't have the same sunny, happy-with-whatever personality that Brae has, but she's her own person.

But I feel that people think she's just this cranky baby. Case in point, at the PT session today, they handed me the following literature to take home: "Your hyper-sensitive baby and her developing sensory system." The PT gave this to me as I was crying and she rubbed my back, telling me it's been a hard road from infertility to a "cranky" baby. This was also handed to me after a veiled lecture about how I'm not breastfeeding often enough.

Feeling a little defeated at the moment. And cranky.

I love my baby girl.

A vacation in pictures.

Sienna's 2 Month Checkup

Stats from Sienna's Two Month Checkup:

-- Girl is not starving. She weighs 12 lbs, 10 oz. That is the 80th percentile, people. She has doubled her birth weight. She's a full pound and a half more than Brae was at this age.

-- She's also a smart cookie. Her head is in the 80th percentile. Brae's was in the 90th.

-- Thankfully, her height is at least keeping up a little. She's in the 50th percentile for height. Brae was a full inch and a half longer than she at this same age.

-- In a nutshell, I've got two kiddos with large noggins. One is long and skinny. The other is short and stout. I love them both equally.

-- Sienna was diagnosed with torticollis (occurs in about 1:250 kids). Basically, that's a fancy name for a stiff neck. Or, as my husband says, "She tends to list to the port." Meaning, her range of motion on one side of her neck is limited, and she sort of tilts her head to the side. It likely happened with being kinked in the womb. Our pediatrician recommended physical therapy, which we have gone to our first appointment. The treatment regime involves lots of stretching and a TON of tummy time. Sienna despises both. However, I must admit, after 5 days of treatment now, we think we are seeing improvement. On her tummy, she is able to lift her neck up and turn it from side to side. With the stretching, she seems to be waiting longer and longer before she starts crying. The torticollis has also caused her to have a flat side on the back of her head because of the way in which she likes to lie down, so I'm going to ask the therapist about a helmet that will allow her skull to continue to grow without restriction or irregularity. I'm so thankful we did an open adoption because I've been able to talk to our Ohio couple and discovered Sienna's genetic sibling also had torticollis! Needless to say, lots of very helpful emails have been exchanged about what we can expect, treatment plans, etc. The best part is that Sienna's genetic counterpart has grown into a beautiful little girl with no remnants of the effects of torticollis. ; )

Brae updates:

-- He's gotten sneaky. Yesterday, he was going through my purse and taking out all of the gum. I asked him to put them back. He nodded and disappeared, I assumed to go put the gum back in my purse. He emerged a few minutes later with a sly look on his face, and he had one hand behind his back. He tried to sidestep me, averting eye contact, and go into the living room. I asked, "Brae, what do you have in your hand?" "Nothing," he said, as he kept walking. "Let me see your hand." He stopped, turned, and slowly pulled his hand out from behind his back and opened his fist to reveal a handful of smashed gum pieces. It was the first time I realized that my son was capable of deceiving me.

-- He called 911. I didn't know it until my phone started ringing and I didn't recognize the number. I answered. "Yes, this is the 911 Emergency Department. You called. What is your emergency?" "Huh? Oh... no.... my son must have found my phone and dialed 911. I didn't know he even knew how to do that. I'm so sorry." I must admit, I was slightly impressed and was feeling pretty full of myself as a parent that my son knew how to dial 911. That's when the operator informed me that cell phones automatically call 911 when the keys are smashed together. Figures.

Pee. Poop. And Parenting.

Updates from our humble little corner of the world...

-- You know you have officially "arrived" into motherhood when you hear your name ... your first and last name being called repeatedly over the intercom at a major chain grocery store ... "Attention, Fred Meyer shoppers... will Britney Colton please come to the Playland. Your son has urinated in the Playland. Britney. Colton. Come. Now."

-- Brae has bonded with his bowel movements. He loves sticking his hands down his pants and playing with his, umm, creations. Lately, he's even taken up talking to them. I changed a poopy diaper the other day and Brae insisted on commenting on its departure to the diaper pail with a "Buh-bye, poop! See you later!"

-- Brae seems to have regressed a little with the arrival of his sister. Potty training has taken a back seat (not that it was ever really in the front seat, anyway), and has also started waking up in the middle of the night. The other day, he wanted his diaper changed in the crib along with his sister. I'm kind of a pushover, so I let him. As I was changing them both (now that I'm writing this, I'm realizing how silly I was for even allowing him to do this), he looks over at Sienna and says "Uh-oh, Mommy. Sienna has an owie." I looked at where he was pointing. It was her nipple.

-- Brae understands that Norm is dead. When I ask him where Norm has gone, he says, "Norm's at church." That confused me for a while. Then I realized that we had told Brae that Norm went to be with Jesus. And, every Sunday, Brae knows that Jesus is at church. This was a good opportunity to tell Brae that Jesus is actually everywhere, and He lives in our heart. This made Brae smile, big. Because now he also believes that Norm is in his heart, too.

-- Brae is starting to understand that he's adopted. Well, kind of. He's starting to understand that "adopted" and "Brae" go together. Lately, he's become accustomed to saying, "I'm adopted. I'm SPECIAL," with a huge grin on his face. I hope he always feels that way.

-- I love how no one person that crosses our path is accidental. I very much believe in divine appointments. On vacation a couple weeks ago, I was at the pool. I saw a Caucasian couple with an African-American toddler boy. Sure, this could have been a biological child (hey, you never know), but I thought it was safe to go up to ask them about their adoption journey. They were very engaging and it ended up being an awesome, divine appointment conversation. We found out they are Christian and we exchanged adoption stories, all the while our boys and Brae's cousin (also adopted) splashed in the pool together. It was such a beautiful picture -- an African-American boy, a quarter Peruvian boy (Brae), and a half Hispanic boy (Brae's cousin) just enjoying a warm summer day. Little do they know the very special bond they each share, and how many sleepless nights, wet pillows, and pleading prayers were spent on their behalves.

-- I cannot let a post go by without mentioning my lovely daughter, the diva. I preface all of this by saying I love her very, very much. But the girl is a piece of work! I need go no farther than describing her sleep style. She's swaddled. Double swaddled. She's in a vibrating chair. The vibrating chair needs to be already vibrating before she goes in, not after. She wants to be fanned. And not with an oscillating fan, but a fan directly on her. She wants the sound of my womb (that sounds silly) playing in the background, and it is, on the sound machine. And she wants to be rocked with a binky held in her mouth (it's too much work for her to suck it in herself), and then gently placed in the chair.

I know. Ridiculous. And I've completely enabled it. Well, no more. I've put my foot down. Stomp.

With Brae, I never read any parenting books (well, I read the "Happiest baby on the block" and determined at Chapter 3 that my son already was, so I stopped reading). Brae was just cool with whatever we tried. He was very adaptable.

Sienna is different. So, after much resistance and gnashing of teeth, I gave in and read "Babywise".

I'm a changed woman. Meaning, since I've implemented the methods in Babywise, Sienna has given me a gift: 9.5 hours of straight sleep at night!

My initial hesitation to Babywise was simple -- I'm set in my ways when it comes to parenting. Or, at least I like to think I am. I've raised a perfectly healthy and happy 2.5 year old boy, and I did it without any parenting book. And, probably the bigger reason, I simply do not have (want to make) the time to read a parenting book.

But, I've been tired of living like a zombie, and I needed my sleep. (Thank you, Kelly).

So, right now, thanks to Babywise, Sienna is in her crib (well, she's in her vibrating chair, which is IN her crib -- hey, no judgment, it's baby steps, people).

Death. And Vacation.

-- We had to put our beloved Golden Retriever (12 years old), Norm, down last week. He had a tumor in his nose that was spreading into his eye. He was having difficulty breathing. His last stool had blood in it. The vet said we were doing the right thing, and it wasn't too soon. She said he would have held on as long as he could, for us, but that it was time. When it was time, I couldn't go. Tygh went. Instead, I sobbed as we loaded Norm into the car one last time. And I've been crying ever since. And my dear husband, whom I've seen cry 3 times in nearly 8 years, cried. I miss Norm so much. The house seems so much lonelier. And our other beloved dog, Lilith (5 years), has been completely out of sorts ever since (lots of whimpering, and chewing up our walls). I know others may not agree with this as theologically sound, but I believe that Norm is in heaven. In my heaven, anyway. In my quiet time yesterday, I felt very strongly Jesus say to me, "Norm is with me. You will see him again. He's running in the fields." Thank you, Lord.

-- And then, we went on vacation. It actually helped to just leave the house for a week while we grieved. But, as expected, the silence was deafening when we came home. No Norm running out from the garage, barking. No dog hair all over the floor, the couches. No poop to pick up. And, since my sister had taken Lilith for the week, no pet to love on. Just humans in our house. It doesn't seem right.

But... since there is never a dull moment in our family, below is the bullet points of a fun-filled (albeit bittersweet) week...

-- It started off spectacularly, with a visit to the ER. That's right. The night before we left for vacation, Brae woke up in the middle of the night with a fever. So, we got some chocolate milk (don't worry - I gave him some real medicine, too), and he and I went downstairs, cuddled under some blankets, and watched 2 hours of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (the theme song still rings in my ears). Then, the next morning, I asked him, "Brae, do you remember being sick last night?" He paused. Then, he smiled. "Yes! Yo quiero do it again (I want to do it again!)". Sigh.

-- So, back to the ER part of the story. After Brae had the fever for 48 hours, Sienna got sick. And then Brae started puking. So, I took Sienna to the ER (while on vacation), and Tygh stayed home while Brae spent the entire day throwing up. Thankfully, both are now better.

-- Brae put a bottle of Vicks Vapo-Rub in his hair. (side note -- that stuff works better than any hair gel I've ever seen).

-- Brae insisted on making his own sandwiches. Peanut butter and jelly. And ketchup. (he ate the whole thing. Twice).

-- My sister-in-law and I took Brae and his cousin for a bike ride. The boys rode in the chariot that my sis pulled. Up hills. With Brae shouting from the comfort of his seat, "Go faster! Pedal. Your. Feet!"

-- Brae has OCD. He insists on touching things and not letting go until he counts to ten. And then he'll let go. Sadly, I think I inadvertently taught him this.

-- I have these little figurines in our house. They are on a table in the hallway. I like them to face a certain way. Brae likes them to face the other way. In the morning, they face north. At some point during the day, without me seeing, Brae turns them to face south. And then I turn them back. It's this little dance we do. We've never talked about it.

-- This evening, Brae saw me watering the flowers. He asked if he could help. I nodded, and handed him the watering can. I wanted him to feel independent, so I went inside to do other chores while he watered the flowers. A few minutes later, he came in with a huge grin and an empty can. I went outside. He did a great job. Watering all our rocks.

-- I've been teaching Brae to pray at night. We fold our hands, and I say a simple little prayer out loud for the both of us. The other night, I asked Brae to pray. As usual, we folded our hands and closed our eyes. I sat silently waiting for Brae to start praying. After about 30 seconds, Brae bursts out, "Amen!". Apparently, the boy likes to pray just in his head.

The week in pictures.

Update and a Note on Timing.

Brae Update:

That boy's language skills have just skyrocketed over the last several weeks. He's using prepositions and complete sentences, and is learning and using new words each day, literally. He's also recently catching on to his favorite phrases, which he then applies to everything. For instance, he's learned "it's too scary." He learned it when we took him on the roller coaster ride at the local amusement park. The first time around the roller coaster, he was stunned. The second time around the roller coaster, I became one of those parents who force their screaming kids to go on amusement rides. In that moment, he learned the phrase, "it's too scary."

Well, now he applies it to everything. For example, yesterday morning he insisted on NOT having his hot cocoa in the purple cup with butterflies on it. Why? You guessed it. "It's too scary."

Sienna Update:

The girl LOVES her baths. She can be screaming bloody murder right before I put her in, but the second she melts into the sudsy water, she is in pure heaven. If there wasn't that whole silly thing about drowning, I'd just leave her there for hours.

She's recently discovered her hands. They go in her mouth. This is a blessing because she does not like binkys.

She's starting to smile, and can actually roll over from her stomach to her back already.

We're still dealing with evening crying spells, which we're trying to combat by just putting her to bed early. Sometimes, that can be an hour long plus process.

Tygh/Britney Update and a Note on Timing:

We were recently interviewed by Biola University for a study they are doing with NEDC about our experience. The interviewer actually flew up from California and then drove down from Seattle just to interview us. She mostly just wanted to hear about our journey to Sienna from start to finish. It was so surreal to re-live the process from the beginning and it made me realize just how far we've come, and the story that God wove together for Sienna.

It also caused me to think about two very interesting timing "coincidences" God weaved in. When we think back on Sienna's life (from conception), God has put together quite a masterpiece intertwining all of her time spent waiting in limbo, just waiting to be born, with all of our time waiting to get her. But it also recently dawned on me two very interesting dates that are just too coincidental to be accidental:

-- September 18, 2010: date of our transfer
-- September 18, 2011: last date of our maternity leave (coming full circle)

... and

-- June 6, 2010: first appointment with NEDC in Tennessee
-- June 6, 2011: my due date
-- June 6, 2011: date my water broke

Isn't that cool? It's also cool to think that just 6 weeks after I gave birth, Sienna is already 6 weeks old. Oh. Wait. I guess that's not so coincidental.

Life with a One Month Old (and a toddler)

Brae update:

-- Brae walks up to me the other day, completely out of the blue, looks me square in the eyes, points his finger in my face, and says very sternly, "Mom, don't HIT me!".... that boy is going to get me in trouble one of these days.

-- The other day, Brae hands me his wet diaper and declares, "Mom, I want to go potty." We go upstairs to his little potty where he stands over it for several minutes, flexing his little bum muscles. Finally, he proclaims, "Mom, it's too hard." Then, he reaches down, and picks up the little potty and plants it squarely over/in front of his privates. I'd love to know the thought process that went behind that one.... "Hmm.. maybe if I bring the potty to ME, the pee will come..."

Sienna update:

-- My father-in-law told me that he had a conversation with a friend about the journey Sienna took to come to us. He was telling him the whole story and at the end, asked his friend: "How do you think Sienna will process this when she is older? What would you think if you were Sienna?" And the friend said without hesitation, "I thought about that very same question as you were telling the story. The first thing that came to my mind is that I would be so grateful. So grateful someone went to that much trouble to save me." I LOVE that.

-- Sienna is a porker. And I say that with the utmost affection. But, I'm often finding dried, curdled milk in her neck folds. That does NOT smell good. And... umm... I'm having a hard time distinguishing her feminine parts from her thighs. It's all just rolls down there! And, as my dear friend stated, "I hope no one ever thinks that about me!" Ha ha. (Only behind your back, Lauren). xoxo

-- Sienna is definitely a more challenging infant than Brae was, and yet, I think that she's probably perfectly "normal". I'm realizing we were probably just very lucky with Brae. But, I fall more and more in love with my daughter (it's so weird to say that word!) every day. I love you, baby girl.

Britney update:

-- I've had a relatively easy and quick recovery (can I get an AMEN to that?). That's what just 6 pushes yields (after 31 hours of torture). I did my first run/walk at 11 days P.S. (post-Sienna). And I've slowly been building up to a full run, for about 30 minutes at a time. It is heaven to return to one of my favorite pastimes -- summer evening runs. And, my fabu brother-in-law made me a terrific 80s playlist that I cannot wait to rock out to. I ask you, is there anything better than running to Starship?

I think not.